Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Monday, November 29, 2010

Discipline

(The following is a reprint from a post on My Life As A Serial Dater.)

Discipline means more to me now than it ever has.  I go to the gym, regularly.  I eat better than I ever have.  I don't drink often and when I do, I do it in moderation ('cept that one recent occurrence ... apologies to The Good Date.)  I have my priorities and goals and I have created a lifestyle that hopes to lead me to those goals.

The one area of my life in which I have lost all grasps on discipline is my sex life.  In the past couple of months, I have indulged when, where and with whomever I chose.  I have fulfilled fantasies for myself and for my partners.  I have had amazing sex.  I have had good sex.  I have had mediocre sex.  I have had bad sex.  I have had sex that made me feel great and sex that left me confused.

The summer was different.  I had a few partners and I saw them over and over again.  I didn't bounce nearly as much as I do now.  I haven't had sex with even close to all of the people with which I went on dates.  But, since getting back to New England, I have gone on dates with almost 20 men. Yeah ... I've been doing some dating.  Like I said, I haven't knocked it outta the park with many of them.  However, there have been more than were worth it.

I had the great and okay experiences that I chose to write about.  And I have had some not so great experiences.  Some I didn't even choose to write about or explore with you guys.  There was the situation with the guy that drove all the way from Boston, just to sleep for three hours, wake up, pace in my room for another 30 minutes, then tell me he was going to lose his job if he stayed.  He said he had been written up the week before and had to go.  I was not sorry to see him leave.  The whole experience was odd, odd, odd.  I did not have sex of any sort or kiss this guy.

I have been talking to and twice chilled with a guy that goes to a neighboring college.  He's close to my age and cute.  He's a smart guy and we joke and flirt well.  I did have sex with this guy.  We were half asleep and it was probably not his best showing, as he was tired.  But he's cute and he has a comfortable and attractive body.  His personality is warm and I enjoy his company.  We might get to give it another try in the sack.  We'll see.

Other than that, I have just had some duds.  My sexual exploration can really only be met and fulfilled with partners that are willing to put in work.  Marlon, The Player and The Powerful One were all good partners.  Then I have situations like I had last night.  The situation last night was really different.  I went on a date with a guy that was very sweet, however, he was not my type at all.  I have a big personality and this guy did not.  He was shy and quiet.  Sparking conversation was difficult at best.  And yet, I decided that I wanted to have sex with him.

I had some drinks in me.  This is never a good idea.  I have mentioned before that I hate drunk sex.  Sex is supposed to be fun and active.  When drunk, it defeats itself.  So, that is what I got last night.  I got drunk sex with a guy that didn't peak my interest at all.  When I woke this morning and ushered him out of my bed, I decided that it is most definitely time to pump the brakes.  I will be withdrawing some troops asap.  I am only keeping 3 currents.  I won't be texting, or seeing or sleeping with anyone else.

I will keep talking to the guy from the nearby school (he might eventually earn a title.)  I will keep talking to The Good Dater, because he has become a sort of a staple in my life now.  And, I will consider seeing Marlon again.  I am very doubtful that will happen, but again, we'll see.  I liked him a lot, but I am fickle and I don't see that we will be seeing each other again soon, so I foresee losing my interest quickly.  We are both dating other people and anything we shared was surface, so I am sure it will not be able to withstand what time and distance do to interest.

So, my sex life is about to join my eating habits and workout routines.  It is about to become a disciplined part of my life.  I want to grow sexually and I want to enjoy my body.  In order to do that, I need to create greater boundaries.  I will still give in to my urges, but I won't have sex like I did last night.  I don't even know what I was going for, but I know it wasn't in a healthy place.  I didn't have sex for love or strong sexual urges.  And, since no other needs can be met through sex, I need to take a step back and make sure that the loneliness of these cold New England winters doesn't lead me to a place where I am having sex to fulfill things that sex can't fulfill.  This has been a self-check kinda day.  Now, it's time to move forward.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

7 Tips to Instant Success with Men

(The following is a reprint of an article on Ezinearticles.com.)

It's man's greatest desire to love and be loved by the very person that he loves. As a woman, it should be your goal to snag the best guy there is before the rest of the pack even catches a whiff of him. Here are some essential tips which will help you succeed with men...

Be more attractive than the rest of the girls.
In order to be successful with men, you must be much more beautiful than the rest. If all he sees is an array of beautiful women, then you're just one among the rest. Let him see something unique in you so that you'd stand out.

The gym could do wonders to your life.
Be the fittest girl he's ever seen. Eat healthy, exercise regularly, let him see that you're in charge of your life. A torturously fat woman proves only one thing - she can't curb her desires.

Show much confidence in who you are.
If all the other women are out there to impress him with their fake selves, then be different. Impress him with your true self. This is one of the most effortless way that you could get him to admire you.

Show him your intellect.
Having beauty isn't enough to make a man take a second look. Sometimes, he does need to hear you talk with confidence. He also needs to see that you have your own ideas and principles, that you're one woman who isn't easily swayed by the tides.

Be full of humor.
Just as women become instantly comfortable around a man who has a great sense of humor, this is also true vice versa. You need to show him the lighter side of your personality. Prove to him that you're not all romance and touchy-feely.

Let him see a busy woman in you.
A woman who isn't busy with any hobby or activity is going to be demanding more time from a man - and any guy would know this. So from the onset, you have to prove to him that you won't be asking much of his time because you're busy fulfilling your own schedule.

Keep your distance.
Always be within his grasp but at arm's length. Don't ever give him the idea that you're too easy to get. Give in only when he has already asked you a couple of times. Do this and you're have the power to entice any man that you like.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Mixed Messages



(The following is a reprint of a post on the blog, My Life As A Serial Dater.)

So, as you all know, The Repeat Offender will repeat no longer.  He is out of the picture.  He didn't have the same level of interest in me that I had in him.  Even though I don't want a relationship, I do still have certain expectations of the men I am seeing/dating/sleeping with/hanging out with.  Maybe its a double standard of sorts.

Sometimes I feel like an asshole, because I can't offer anything traditional to men, yet I have these unconventional wants.  I want them to be attentive and kind, without the security that a relationship can offer.  If they say they are going to visit, I want them to follow through.  If they say they want to see me again, I want them to do more than just text me for the next three weeks.  It's not really asking that much.  I don't want to be used for sex.  I want to do other things than just sleep together.  I don't have sex with men that I don't like.  So, I want to spend time with the men I am sleeping with.  If they choose to hang out with me, I don't want them to text ahead of time and ask "are we going to have sex?"  I need them to take their chances and I need them to hang out with me because they want to.  Not because they want to have sex and go home.  I have no place for empty sex.

And yet, I want sex with multiple partners.  I am not ready to settle down with just one man or only have one partner.  But, I catch feelings and I get salty.  On one hand I am like the perks of a girlfriend without having to be monogamous. On the other hand, I require attention without the security of a relationship.  There are ups and downs to all things and I offer a mixed bag of goodies and downfalls.  You would think that the freedom to see whomever you choose and still be able to spend time with me would be a good thing.  I am, frequently, the only woman the men I'm seeing are totally honest with.  They can tell me that they are seeing other people.  I don't want the details, but I do appreciate knowing the truth.  I don't expect anyone to stop seeing other people just because we have started talking.

That having been said, I am amazed at the number of men that expect that from me.  The Repeat Offender was one of them.  After we had established that I had more interest in him than he in me, we somehow found ourselves talking about sexual partners.  He, knowing that I am as honest as possible with men, asked how many men I had been with since the first time he and I had had sex.  I took a moment and he asked me if I was thinking of a safe answer.  I replied simply, "No, I'm counting."

He was not too happy with my answer.  Seems that even though he wasn't really interested in me and definitely didn't want a relationship with me, I was supposed to want one from him.  And even though he would go for days without responding to me, I should have been pining away for him, sitting by the phone, patiently.  Todd felt the same way.  He felt that even though he wasn't expressing any feelings for me, I should have been overflowing with feelings for him.  So, The Repeat Offender didn't like my answer.  His ego took over and he wanted to know who was the best.  The truth was, Marlon was the best.  Hands down.  And The Powerful One would have been second, but there were no feelings involved there.  So, I answered his question truthfully and just as he had shared news that didn't feel too great to me, I shared news that wasn't great for him.

On a side note, The Train Guy ... remember him? ... He texted me today asking if I was still his, or if I was stepping out on him.  What the hell?  After I put it on him on the train from Chicago to Houston, he came to visit me in Houston and we had some of the most amazing sex I have ever had.  We traveled across the country together by chance.  It was so romantic, then I found out he had a girlfriend and thus started the blog and the summer/fall of amazing sex.  I have spent the last 15 years choking on double standards and now, in response, I have created my own.

The question is, with all of these expectations, limitations, mixed messages and double standards, when does anyone find the room or time to just be happy?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

(Answers to) Fall '10 Survey #7



If you had to choose a mate based on only one criteria, what would it be?
he a one woman man
What's something spontaneous that a romantic interest could do to surprise you?
picnic, somethin different
What's the meanest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you?
I never really like you like that
What places do you go to, to look for a mate
Nowhere lol
Underwear or "commando"?
draws, commando is nasty
What's the lamest way you've ever been dumped (or have dumped someone)?
facebook
Favorite "bedroom boom" song?
deuces remix
Knowing that over half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, would you still want to get married? If so, why?
yeah you gone be old someday lol
Ask for directions or keep looking on your own?
ask somebody
What do you believe motivates a man in terms of interaction with the opposite sex? What about a woman?
men want ass, women want love (and ass) lol

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Good Dates and Other Things

(The following is a re-print of an article on the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

This has been a good week for my dating life.  I shed some dead weight and realized some things about myself in the process.  I also had a two day long texting and Skype tryst with a possible crush back home and had two dates.

Lewis and I have made a healthy transition from lover to friend and it turns out I was right.  I love him, but I was never in love with him.  That is why we can be friends and I can hear about his dates without any sadness or pain.  I have not been in love in a very long time.  It's hard to realize that you are not in something, until you think back and remember what it felt like to be in it.  I have been thinking about my ex a lot.  Not the most recent one, but a few back and I remember what it felt like to just be head over heels.  It's been a while.

Everything with Todd has come to a full close.  I am not sure what I was doing there.  In the end, he was right.  I never fully wanted him.  I liked him, but I never got that feeling for him.  I never once felt for him, the way I feel right now.  (I'll explain that statement later.)  Todd and I never made love.  We had sex.  This is what I do.  I climb up on the counter, I bend over the sink, I straddle on the hard wood floors.  I put my hands to the wall and I brace for the impact.  But I never, never fully fall.

I have rough sex.  I have playful sex.  I let them close enough, long enough to have an orgasm and a good time, then back at arms length they go.  I joke that I'm always in love after good sex.  It's a high that I have come to see as my most intimate of emotions with men, right now.  I am guarded.  I make no excuses.  I wanted to be this way.  I had been disappointed and stagnant in my self for too long.  I wanted to put up a wall and let my garden grow without the added fertilizers and boot prints that "boyfriends" can leave.  I did not realize what would come of this, but I just went for it.  There was really no other option.  I could keep trying to jump into relationships, or I could just be me.  The strange thing was, just being me was the harder option.  Little to no distractions makes you take a step back and analyze some shit.  And forgetting what it's like to be in love, can sometimes make you feel like you could fall in love with anyone for a brief period, and at the same time, feel like you can't find a connection with anyone at all.

I go on dates.  I had one just the other night.  We met for drinks.  We went to dinner and we went dancing. We had a really nice time.  We didn't go back to my place.  We didn't have sex in the bathroom.  We just drank, ate and danced.  We didn't fall in love.  We didn't have share each other's bodies.  He's going through a divorce and I am having a good time and exploring myself.  It was perfect.  It was so clear and we talked the next day with no pretenses or games.  It was nice, refreshing.  It wasn't intimate on any exceptional level.  It was like making a new friend.  We don't have to look to the future, just have a good time in the present.  It set the tone for a new step in clarity.  I liked him.  He liked me.  I will never be with him and I will never be in love with him.  I don't have to be curious about where it's going or if I have to worry about hurting him or myself.  We can just be.  It's like friends with a twist.

_____________________________________________________
That having been said.  Last night was a whole other situation.  I finally met "The Newest Favorite."  He came to my place and we had dinner and watched a movie.  Then, he turned all of my clarity on its head.  It was perfect in a whole new way.  I'm sure I'll name him, but I can't write about him yet.  I'm still really confused and I am tired from not sleeping.  I can't respond to his texts, I can't write about him. I can't think straight, so I think, for now, I'll just go to sleep and dream.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

What are Alpha Women?

Guess which one's going to jail.
(The following is a re-print of an article on CountryCouples.co.uk.)

We have all heard the term Alpha Male – Alpha as we all know is the first letter of the Greek alphabet and is used to refer to number one, therefore the alpha male is the number one male in a group of males.
An alpha female is therefore the number one female in a group of females. The term is probably most commonly used for the leading female in a pride of lions.

I am therefore a little curious how all of the females in a group of females can be referred to as alpha women.
When you talk of human alpha females most people would think of strong women such as Margaret Thatcher or Condoleezza Rice, women that got out there and did it rather than sit and talk about how they can if they want to. Alternatively you could consider alpha women to be like Princess Diana or Joan Collins, women that understand their beauty and make men work hard for their attention.

By definition alpha leaders are strong, aggressive and confident or they are forced from their place by an underling.

I was therefore intrigued when I came across a website yesterday called alphawomen, it is an attractively designed website, the site itself is well written and it has a number of interesting features. I feel sure it will do well and sincerely hope that it does, however there are four reasons I will not be joining:

No 1. Contradictions:
In the about us section it states “being a member of AlphaWomen.com means that you’ll never have to read the article ‘Ten Tips on How to Impress Your Mate,’ again.”
This is the comment on the site which fueled this post, to me it effectively says to stop caring about your relationship and concentrate on yourself …. no thanks, mine is very important to me and as a strong independent confident woman I am happy to take time to please my man and he is happy to take time to please me ….. that is why we call it equality.

On the same page it says “AlphaWomen.com allows women to create their own blog posts to share content (including pictures and video) and then link back to their own blog. This drives the right traffic to your blog.”

My blog is about relationships … oh yes and tips on how to impress your mate!!

No 2. Their Definition of Alpha Women
The site states “An Alpha Woman is a strong, independent woman who is successful in her everyday life. Though she may not be the CEO of a company or make several million a year, she is confident about who she is as a person and where she is headed in the future. She is a decision-maker who has goals and aspirations; she is opinionated and not afraid to speak her mind. Most importantly, she is a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and who strives to get the most out of every single day.”

My response is I am a strong, independent successful, confident, opinionated, decision-maker that knows where I am going in life … so why do I need to huddle in a corner with other supposedly alpha women to remind each other how strong and confident we are? Why can’t I discuss politics, religion, relationships, etc with anyone I find interesting and knowledgeable? I run my own business, travel the world, write articles and two blogs all without the aid of a label or group hug …. although I would be lost without my laptop.

I find it more than a little patronising that as an “alpha woman” it is felt that I should necessarily gravitate to others of the same ilk. Good luck to those that need the support but surely that defeats the point of being an alpha woman?

3. Marketing
“AlphaWomen.com was conceived around the realization that a place on the internet did not yet exist for strong, modern women to talk about issues that are relevant in today’s society.”

Well BlogHer has been going since 2005 and Blogs by Women has a list of over 5,600 women bloggers (I note with amusement that alphawomen.com is listed). These are all strong independent women who discuss, on the open internet, issues that would make my mothers hair curl. Where are our strong female voices being stiffled? Women have been blogging for years so how could a platform for women not exist?

If I may use an Americanism. ladies … get over yourselves, we don’t need to complain about how downtrodden we are because being strong independent women we don’t allow that to happen to us.

Man bashing seems to be the latest female sport and quite frankly it is more than a little nauseating, we women hated life when men constantly put us down so why are we trying to stoop to their level to prove our worth? Ladies, women will attain true equality when you stop desperately trying to prove to yourselves that your equality exists and just get on with life.

Trying to reinvent womens lib in a day when women in the west are already liberated seems to me to be trying to reinvent the wheel, at worst pointless and best a clever marketing ploy.

Of course in my mother's day there was no internet but the ladies still had coffee mornings where they could discuss issues with other women …. perhaps the internet simply needs it’s own ladies coffee mornings?

As a strong independent woman I shall simply sit quietly, run my business, enjoy my equality and freedom to express myself through my blogging (which by the way already exists).

Friday, November 19, 2010

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Confidence

(The following is a re-post from the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

Confidence and its adversary insecurity have been coming up in conversation and in my mind a lot lately.  The ideas of confidence and insecurity are so multifaceted.  We could peel the layers back for days and not even tap the surface.  I have confidence and insecurity in the same areas.  My confidence in certain things sways from day to day.  I am, overall, a very confident person, but everyone has their weaknesses and their moments when they are weaker or more insecure than others.

I go to a very prestigious women's college.  I am surrounded by some of the smartest women in the nation, but the insecurity permeates.  During finals, around midterms, you can cut the insecurity with a butter knife.  During class discussions, I always make sure my thoughts are well organized before diving in.  But, even with my thoughts gathered tightly, when I start making my point, my cheeks turn a slight shade rosier.  I rarely ever feel stupid after speaking.  But, when I'm in it, I get flush and feel insecure in my ability to deliver my point clearly.  Once it's out of my head and out of my mouth, I hold my head a little higher and my confidence level increases with every assertion of my reason and ideas.  After 2 years of sweaty palms and brief moments of insecurity, I have built a level of confidence I never thought I would attain.  Logic is like antibodies for insecurity.

When I am about to meet a man for the first time, I get really nervous.  This doesn't change from date to date.  Every time I meet a new man, I still get jitters.  I don't think there is an antibody for this, because I don't really think it's insecurity.  It's more just a fear of the unknown.  I am generally just as worried that I won't like them as I am that they won't like me.  It does, however, change over time with one man.  After I have gotten to know a man a bit better, I can relax and be my normal charming self.

When I meet new friends, I am secure right off the bat.  When I meet one on one with professors, classmates and colleagues to discuss ideas, I am generally cool as a clam.  If there are no expectations, I can be charming.  I can relay my thoughts with clarity.  I can be witty and I can be relaxed.  I can engage in conversations ranging from art to politics to cars to hip hop with little-to-no trepidation.  (I did, however, have to double check my spelling of trepidation.)  But, some days, I just don't want to interact with anyone.  I hate having a pimple.  Some days I feel like my words just won't express my point of view.  These are called bad days and they don't make me any less secure, overall.

Then, there's the blog.  Since I started this blog (4 months ago, today), I have felt like I have my hand raised in class.  This has been four months of trying to articulate my thoughts before the class.  The only difference is, in the class, the judgment is mostly in my mind.  Here, I get texts, emails and sideways glances.  The negative feedback comes far less than the positive.  I get more women and men saying they love the blog than I get people passing judgment, but the negative feedback rings so much louder.

Almost as soon as I started typing this post, I got a text from a man expressing less than favorable views regarding the blog and my active role in the stories.  He suggested that I not make the blog about me.  Taking his suggestion would make my life far less complicated.  This blog has turned my life upside down in ways.  I could have made it an advice blog.  I could have kept my personal stories out of it.  The trouble is, I don't give advice.  And ... this is a blog about my life.  So, I guess I could have just not made a blog at all. Or I could have kept it anonymous.  I could have said ... Look this is life.  Don't be ashamed, but I am.  So, I'm not going to tell my story.  But, I will sit back and tell you what I think you should do.   

Trouble with that is, I started the blog because I didn't know what the hell I was doing with my life.  I was seeking relationships with the first guy I could so that I could avoid what comes when you are alone.  And even though I share my bed occasionally, I am alone.  And I am learning me and ironing out the kinks.  In case you haven't noticed, I am a wreck in the love/relationship category.  But, after flushing out some reasoned ideas on dating, I am building my antibodies and my confidence is growing.  But, it's only by telling my story that I am building my immunity.  It's only by flushing out the heartbreak and the ego jolts and confessing my love of sex, that I have been able to start dropping my walls and building my confidence. I am no role model.  I don't claim to be.  I am not even sure how you heard about this blog.  Odds are good you got it from some chain that started with one of my good friends.  Because, that's who this blog was started for.  I started it for me and my friends.  Who knew the internet was all over the world?  So, with my shaking hand raised and my face flush, my classroom has grown from 4 friends in Houston to an unknown amount of friends in Australia, Japan, Finland, England, and even Indonesia.  (That's right Indonesia ... I have Adsense and I see ya peepin' the page.)

So, my confidence is growing.  It's just hard to see, because I'm still talking in front of the class.  I haven't had that moment to sit back and say ... "Oh, now it all makes sense.  That's why I raised my hand."  When I first started going to the gym, I was intimidated by all the 'gym people.'  They all knew how to use the equipment and their push-ups looked all perfect and they could see my less than tight arms.  But now, I am strong.  I know how to use the equipment and I am kind of a beast with my push-ups.  I can only hope I get the same results from this exercise.  I hope my growth brings no one pain and that I come out a better person on the other side.  Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Crucial Dating Tips


If you're a woman having trouble getting past that first date, left wondering why he never calls back, and what you're doing wrong, here are some important tips to keep in mind the next time you get dressed and go out on the town.

The first thing to remember is that it has very little to do with you, as a person. It has nothing to do with your physical attractiveness, your personality, or anything about what makes you, you. It has everything to do with simple psychology, which is employed masterfully (whether intentionally or not) by those women who seem to have the best luck on the dating circuit. Here are five tips you can't do without.

TIP #1: Don't Treat Your Date Like It's an Interview
The is one of the most common, and most fatal mistakes made by both men and women. Sitting at dinner, searching for things to talk about to keep the silence from becoming deafening, a woman will begin asking every question in the book. From "what's your favorite color" to "where do you see yourself in five years," these questions seem harmless enough, but enough of them will sink the ship. If you feel you need these questions answered ahead of time, the best online dating services are waiting for you. Let the conversation flow naturally. If a question should arise through the normal course of talking, feel free to ask. But don't sit there and ask question after question, as if interrogating a criminal.

TIP #2: Practice a Certain Amount of Aloofness
This one is straight out of your mom's playbook, but it continues to hold water today. Guys, by and large, don't want someone they just met calling them every day and night. Every other time you feel the urge to call, let your hand do something else and let the phone chill.

TIP #3: Control Your Nerves
One of the easiest ways to wreck a first date is to let your ne4rvousness get the best of you. You start laughing at things that aren't funny, you do things you normally wouldn't do, or, worst of all, you sit in silence because you're too afraid to say anything. Relax and be yourself.

TIP #4: Be Honest
Most people, believe it or not, have a pretty good BS detector. If you have skeletons in your closet, the first date is probably not the time to bring them out into the open. On the other hand, answering questions honestly and not trying to make yourself seem like something you're not is equally important.

TIP #5: Keep Your Clothes On
Another one you might perceive to be out of your mom's handbook, but this is critical. Guys aren't going to start a long term relationship with someone who slept with them on the first night, except perhaps 30 year olds still living with their parents. They just aren't. The only thing going through their heads will be "how many other guys has she done that with?" It may be sexist, it may be wrong, but it's the truth. If you're looking to start a relationship, hold off the sex for another time.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

3 Important Things Every Woman Should Know About Calling Men


Communications are critical - we all have to talk or send signals or we won't know what to do and what is going on. But understanding some basic psychology of gender differences can make it or break it in the dating game.

Perharps you have called a guy after a great date. Is that so wrong? Actually, most of the time it might be. Complicated isn't it, this world of communications between men and women. How about texting? Is that ok? What about calling after a certain amount of time. Is that ok? Is it impossible to figure this all out? Are you doomed to being powerless? Absolutely not!

By the time you finish reading this dating advice, you will be far ahead of your friends who will wonder how you manage to handle those handsome men successfully.

There are some basic rules and information that can help you make the right moves and keep the worry monster away. we talk about these in our dating advice. Listed below are three of them.

1. If he calls and you aren't available, return the call. It's polite, it's friendly and it's the right thing to do. If you like him, this may be his time to ask you out and if you wait too long, he may think you are not interested. If you aren't interested, call him anyway. It's the right thing to do and at some point you have to learn to do the hard things in life such as telling a nice guy, "I like you , and thanks for asking me out again, but I didn't feel we had enough in common to move on to a second date."

2. You had a great date and he isn't calling. Should you call him the next day and thank him? NO! I hope you thanked him on the night of the date. Now, you wait.

3. Why are there rules? Why is a man the one who should call after a date? Hasn't the world changed? Yes, of course the world has changed in many wonderful ways for men and women. But calling after a date isn't one of them - and that's not a bad thing. Every game has rules and the dating game is no different. Play by the rules and everyone is comfortable. That's why you don't see people in restaurants standing on tables and yelling - the rules of eating out require you not act like that. They also require using utensils properly and speaking in a quiet tone of voice. The world runs smoother this way.

And the same is true of communications between men and women. Is it fair? Actually, yes. Rules allow you to know where you stand in the game of dating. If he doesn't call you after a date, you know he doesn't want to go out again. At least not now. Ok, that's a bummer - but it frees you up to move on to the one who can't wait to call you and see you again after a date.
.
If you really need to talk about "the night before" - call a friend. Tell her the good, the bad, and the ugly. And then, go play a game of tennis or do some work, or call another friend. Go have a life - the more you do that, the less you will care if he calls, and the happier you will be whether he does or not. Life is not lived on the cell (not completely anyway!). So go do something and see how interesting you are to him when he calls and you are out doing something!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Seriously, Are You Ready for a Relationship?


There are 5 things you must have to be ready for a serious relationship:

1. Have your own life

Guys love it when women have their own lives. When you have your own life, you become instantly more desirable because you’ll be more interesting to talk to and guys will feel like dating you is a challenge (in a good way). That being said, always return calls promptly, no matter how busy you are. You want him to have to chase you, but you don’t want him to think you’re impossible to catch. 

2. Be emotionally available and get the attitude that works

If you’re in the stage of not being over your ex boyfriend, you can date casually all you want, but realize that you can’t emotionally commit to a new guy if you still love your ex. The next stage people go through after a breakup is, “I just don’t want to date right now” or “I love being single”. It is a waste of your time to look for a match if you are in one of these stages.

You need the attitude that works for dating, which is the power of attraction. Think that you are going to meet your match, and you will put energy and time to that. You have to realize that you will have bad dates and disappointments before you meet your match, but you need to find the right attitude, time and emotional availability. Most people give up before they meet their match. 

3. You are confident

The #1 thing guys say they want in women is confidence and style. In fact, around 92% of men asked specifically for a confident and trendy woman. A confident and trendy woman is an attractive (note I didn’t say beautiful!) woman and irresistible to men.

The saying goes, “If you can’t love yourself, what makes you think somebody else will?” There’s a lot of truth to that, and you should take it to heart. You must learn to love yourself if you expect to love someone else and have him love you back.

You should invest time in your mind, body and soul if you want to become confident. Go to the gym, go shopping, get your hair done, invest in your health, read a good book, meditate, take a class, etc.  Plus, each small success you have will boost your confidence. That’s not all you need to become confident if your current confidence level is zero, but it’s a good place to start. 

4. Have the right expectations

The biggest problem I see is that women are not prepared for dating. They had too high of expectations for who their match should be, and they would chase men who would never like them back. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself who would want to be with a woman like me for the rest of his life?  The two best things to do are to improve yourself or lower your expectations. 

5. You are ready to dedicate time and play the numbers

A survey of 1,000 women I conducted suggests that it takes 80% of women approximately 16 dates at a local dating service or 36 dates through online dating sites to be find their matches. Although you can find love after only 4 dates if you’re lucky, it takes most of us (myself included) A LOT longer.
Data from the thousands of women also suggest that most women give up dating after only 6 dates. You have to be ready to play the numbers and go on as many dates as possible. If you’re not willing to date at least twice a week, you might not be ready to be in a serious relationship. If you can’t find the time to date and you’re not emotionally available, what makes you think you’ll have the time and energy to have a relationship with your match?

Friday, November 12, 2010

How Long?

(The following is a reprint of a post on the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

Okay.  Here it is ... The eternal question of absurdity ... How long do you wait before calling or texting someone after the first date?  How long do you wait before calling or texting someone after you have had sex for the first time?  Who sets the rules and who actually follows?  What is wrong with just being flirtatious or being open?

It's totally possible that after having sex, or meeting for the first time, you might not like a person.  They might not like you.  It doesn't mean anything about the other person, it doesn't mean anything about you.  It just means one of you didn't click with the other.  This can be tough on the pride.  It can definitely be a blow to the ego.  What it should not be is cloaked in mystery around whether the person actually likes you or whether they are following some arbitrary set of rules.  The room for question shouldn't be so vast or confusing.

I mean, I get it.  People don't want to open themselves up for rejection.  Or, they don't want to get themselves involved in something too quickly and they want to keep a safety buffer.  That's fine.  What is not fine is this act of devising a method and formula of deception and dishonesty to create that buffer.  Nothing says "I thought you were really cool, but I am just not looking for a relationship or a commitment this quickly," like "I thought you were really cool, but I am just not looking for a relationship or commitment this quickly."  A great way to say "let's take some time," is by simply saying it.  Not creating an algebraic equation of when to return a text.

I think honesty is the best policy.  If you don't like someone, if you didn't click, just tell them.  But, on the flip side, nothing really says "I did not dig you" like never calling or returning a text.  That is a different story.  That is pretty clear.  You don't need some asshole to write you a book on it.  I have to admit, I am guilty of the clean cut.  That having been said, don't make someone think they are getting the clean cut, then call them back two weeks later and say that wasn't the case.  This just makes you a fucker.

*Side note - If you think this post was written with you in mind, you are probably right.  But, it's not passive aggressive, because I have said it to your face, as well.  Plus, you knew I wrote this blog when you decided to put your "P" in my "V" and act like a fucker afterward.  Alls fair.  I knew you might act like a confused marmoset again and you knew I might write about your penis.

Also, if we didn't have a talk that sounded strikingly similar to this post, it's not you.  Give me a call.  We're probably still cool.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Portrait of the Asshole as a Young Man 25

I suppose an alternative title would've satisfied: "While the Gettin' is Good," maybe.  Anyway...

With my high school reunion approaching, I spoke with my boys about the relevance of such an event in the age of Facebook (I mean, I've already "caught up" with most of the folks I cared about).

"You go back," one of them said, "so you can see if any of the chicks that you wanted to get at are still as fine."  They're probably not.  "Maybe you could finish what you started."  I probably won't.

But then we got to talking to about how the "shine" you get off a piece of new pussy is only as bright as the lady herself.  That is, I want to be under a woman when she's in her prime.  If I get to bag "Denise" now that she's all grown up (and twenty pounds heavier), I'll still feel inferior to the dudes who got to smash when "Denise" had a tight body (that knew nothing about childbearing) and a target on her back every time she entered the club ('cause bitches be hatin', y'know).

Women are like milk (to men), and we all want to get our drink on prior to the "use by _____" deadline.  After that, you're only getting a fraction of what another man once enjoyed wholly.  I might as well be fucking the ghost of the woman you used to be!

Who am I to judge?  No one, particularly.  But I do know that look the best that I ever have, at twenty-seven; meanwhile, many of the women I came up with are going to shit -- yet still expecting the princess treatment. (LOL I just laughed a little... inside.)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"Why Won't He Date Me?"

(The following is a reprint of a post on About.com.)

Sandboxes asks, "I am 47, "Bob" is 39. We connected using 'Are You Interested' on Facebook and he added me as a friend. Then it turned out we have a mutual friend in his brother-in-law. I told Bob I am attracted to him and would like to meet for a coffee. Bob says he doesn't "see a match". 

Two weeks ago Bob abruptly announced he just started dating someone and "it's serious". Despite this, Bob told me in the past he's too shy to approach women and he waits for them to ask him out. From what I can see of his profile, Bob is a serial dater and has children from two previous relationships. He just seems to be lost without a woman in his life and he frequently adds new women he meets on "Are You Interested". 

My question: What is Bob's problem? I've told him I'm interested. He knows what I look like. He knows my background, schooling, etc. His brother-in-law has met me, knows my reputation, and in fact told me that Bob was talking about me at a family get-together recently. But Bob would rather date other women. Are all men this confusing, with mixed messages and rules that only they know?"

Sandboxes, I'm going to be blunt: Bob doesn't have a problem. You do. Why are you investing so much time and energy into a man who, by your own admission, isn't dateable nor interested? He made it clear from the start when you asked him out that he didn't see a match. How is that playing by dating rules only he knows? Sure, the rejection hurts. Yet he was honest, and I've lost count of the women who have told me throughout the years, "Why couldn't he just tell me he wasn't interested?"

Well, Bob did, but you didn't want to hear it. So what's a guy supposed to do? He's in a serious relationship now. Leave him alone, stop using Facebook to check his status, and stop analyzing why he's doing whatever he's doing. In Getting Past Your Breakup, Susan J. Elliot wisely suggests that each time you think of an ex (in this case, a man you're attached to that hasn't reciprocated) you say to yourself, "It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter." Because really, he doesn't matter. You do.

Its time to start prioritizing your needs, not some man's that you barely know. Break your bad love habits, and find some new ways to feel good. After a few weeks, you'll forget completely about Bob and will have a better relationship with yourself to offer someone new.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Dating Etiquette for Women

(The following is a re-print of an article on Ezinearticles.com.)

Are you looking for the right dating etiquette for women of today? Have the rules changed so much that you wouldn't know the right dating etiquette for women if you saw it? Were you raised with an old fashioned mentality and you're wondering where dating etiquette for women have gone?

Long gone are the days when women needed to be chaperoned wherever they went. Every move was measured and noticed. If a woman stepped out of bounds, the consequences could often be unpleasant.
Today, we've gained the freedom to do as we please. But does that mean that we should blindly go about doing whatever we want. Read the following dating etiquette for women in these changing times.
The Temptation to Rush
The need to become involved in a serious romance can often lead women to push for a quicker build up of a relationship. In her haste, however, she's passing over some vital steps, like getting to truly know the guy in question.

In addition to skipping these steps, you're giving the guy an unpleasant view of what's to come. Once you start pushing for more attention, more time and more love, you're actually pushing him away.

Cease Competing

With so many women in the workforce, we've gained a great deal of independence. Unfortunately, many of us have also acquired a good deal of arrogance regarding our career status. This can sometimes push us to compete with the guys we meet. We want so badly to prove that we're just as good, if not better, than they are, that we actually enter a contest with him.

If you feel you must do this, make sure you keep it within an atmosphere of fun and amusement.

Respect Never Goes Out of Style

We're so quick to fawn over a cute guy and want to do everything to impress him and get him to like us. Once we've achieved that, many will then turn around and start criticizing the very guy they worked so hard to get.

Men don't do things the same way women do, and many women have a problem with that. So instead of accepting our differences, these women will make an effort to change the guy.

Respect him for the man he is. After all, you're the one who chose him so he must have some great qualities. Love and admire those qualities and maintain a healthy degree of respect for the things you don't like so much.
When you really look at it, dating etiquette for women really is a simple guideline that ends up making the guy feel good about being with you. As you would in any other new relationship, be mindful of the things you say and do. Being polite, interesting and engaging will win you points in any social setting, and the same goes for the dating scene.

Men and women may be different on many levels, but in the end we simply all want to be treated right. Treat him with the respect and admiration that you wish to have him treat you and you'll be on the right path to a great relationship.

Monday, November 8, 2010

(Answers to) Fall '10 Survey #6


If you had to choose a mate based on only one criteria, what would it be?
sanity
What's something spontaneous that a romantic interest could do to surprise you?
dutch on the bill
What's the meanest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you?
I don't love you any more
What places do you go to, to look for a mate?
club, mall wherever
Underwear or "commando"?
lol gotta have soemthin on
What's the lamest way you've ever been dumped (or have dumped someone)?
text
Favorite "bedroom boom" song?
R kelly
Knowing that over half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, would you still want to get married? If so, why?
HELL NAW
Ask for directions or keep looking on your own?
ask for directions
What do you believe motivates a man in terms of interaction with the opposite sex? What about a woman?
for a man, sex and food/ for a woman, money and wedding

Sunday, November 7, 2010

7 Mistakes Women Make Around Men They Like

(The following is a re-print of a article on Ezinearticles.com.)

You have the most wonderful guy that you could wish for, yet it's possible that you also lose him fast because of some silly mistakes that women make around men they like. Listed are seven of the biggest mistakes that women should be cautious about around men they like.

Do not be desperate
One of the seven mistakes women make is of being desperate for their men that the men get completely put off by this behavior. If the women can behave like this at this juncture of their relationship, how much worse will their behavior be at a later stage?

Being frivolous and petty
All your beauty and sexiness goes to the wind when men see how frivolous and petty you are. Men get taken in fast by beauty and sexiness or the physical aspect of a woman, but soon tire of this side when they see the real you which is frivolous and petty.

Do not be hasty
Do not be hasty about revealing to your guy everything about your self. That is one of the seven biggest mistakes a woman can make. Men like a certain amount of mysteriousness about a woman which keeps them intrigued rather than know everything about her.
Being easily available
One of the other seven mistakes that a woman tends to make is being easily available whenever the guy wants to get in touch. Men like the cat and mouse game or a little of the hard to get game which women resort to. They tire with easy prey and lose interest.

Being possessive
One of the other mistake that women make is being possessive and demanding of a man's time and attention. Lay off a bit. You too would not like it if your guy became possessive of you. He too needs his freedom and space as much as you do.

Expectations and commitments
This is another mistake that women land them selves into. They build up too many expectations and try to extract too many commitments of their guy. Guys don't want to be under so many expectations and commitments even before their relationship has taken root.

Being too demanding
Sometimes women begin to get too demanding of a man's time or activities. This is one of the seven mistakes that most women make around men and then lose them. No man likes to be answerable about his time and the people he goes out with. He expects you to respect his privacy.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

How Do You Know if You Should Give a Guy Space?

(The following is a re-print of an article on Ezinearticles.com.)

Nature has made men and women in such a way that men need more space than women. It is also seen in the animal world where males generally live solitary lives or in pairs while the females of the specie generally live in prides. It comes as no surprise that if a man is denied his space he feels claustrophobic and eventually breaks free. You will know when to give him space when he shows some or all of the following symptoms.

The restlessness
You will notice that your man for no plausible reason begins to grow restless and begins to snap at you. If you are a family he will grow agitated when children begin to prance around the house or when they begin to make noise. Such restless behavior indicates that he needs some alone time.

Does not take interest in things that once interested him
Earlier it used to be you or your kids that he reveled in; however, of late he does not seem as interested in either you or the kids. This sign of boredom is a classic symptom of him needing some man time with his friends and buddies. You and the children remind him of his responsibilities and he wants to feel carefree for a change.

He encourages you to take off
He will subtly suggest that you visit your parents or go off on a holiday with your friends and colleagues. Although he will show that he wants you to have fun his real intention is to get rid of you temporarily for some time. When he starts suggesting such things make plans for a vacation sans him.

Old buddies begin making an appearance
All of a sudden he will one day announce that his old friend is visiting town and he needs to catch up with him for old time's sake. This is one of the lamest of excuses men give when they need to get away from their girls/women/spouses.

Overdose of each other
If you two have not been apart for a substantial period of time then it is obvious that you too begin to tire of seeing his face day in and day out. Well, this is also happening with him. So, take a break and leave him alone for some time.

Arguments and disagreements
When the arguments and disagreements seem to increase by the day it is time you gave him some space. Either stop putting pressure on him or suggest that he start spending his weekends at the bar or the pub with his friends. After a few weeks you will notice a sea change in him.

Sex is no longer as exciting
Sometimes when a man gets the feeling of being trapped it is the sex that suffers. He will complain of decreased libido or will not initiate sex with you. It is not that he does not find you attractive, it only means he needs some space to recharge himself.

Friday, November 5, 2010

(Answers to) Fall '10 Survey #5


If you had to choose a mate based on only one criteria, what would it be?
kindness
What's something spontaneous that a romantic interest could do to surprise you?
take me to hear live music
What's the meanest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you?
(after professing a hidden crush, naming what i was wearing the first time he saw me, and convincing me to visit his campus for spring break) "I was just playing."
What places do you go to, to look for a mate?
i dont go anywhere looking, but i stay open to possibilities.
Underwear or "commando"?
underwear
What's the lamest way you've ever been dumped (or have dumped someone)?
dissapearing acts, both sides. lol
Favorite "bedroom boom" song?
"lick" by joi
Knowing that over half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, would you still want to get married? If so, why?
yes. im a hopeless friggin romantic. fml
Ask for directions or keep looking on your own?
keep looking. i like the adventure.
What do you believe motivates a man in terms of interaction with the opposite sex? What about a woman? *
sex, comfort / security, comfort

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Virtue

(The following is a re-print of a post from the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. -Voltaire

Virtue is a word used to describe moral excellence or a trait or quality that is morally excellent.  Purity is a virtue.  Virginity means you are pure and thus you are virtuous. Without your virginity, you are not pure, you are not virtuous. Throughout time and within different cultures, the emphasis on a woman's virtue has cycled in and out of importance.  But, rarely has a man's virtue ever been called into question through his possession or loss of his virginity.  Men are seen to be virtuous for other reasons, not having to do with their chastity.  When challenging a man's virtue, his courage and honor would be called into question, not a small layer of skin in the depths of his genitals.

There are many different definitions and ideas on when a woman's virginity ceases to exist; when she is penetrated vaginally, when she is penetrated anally, with fingers, with a penis, with an instrument.  Is a woman robbed of all virtue if she is raped?  Does giving head, but not having intercourse mean one is still a virgin?  Can virginity be restored through prayer?  Can a virgin be 'born-again?'  And why does it matter?

Virginity is seen as a virtue that is to be taken by a man.  It's something to be preserved until one meets the right man that will penetrate and break the flesh threshold.  The first time for a woman is never described as something that brings pleasure.  It's awkward and uncomfortable.  It's painful, but a woman should be happy that it is something she can share, something that she has saved for a well-deserving man.

I know very few women that are still with or even still talk to the man they lost their virginity to.  The passing of the sacrificial hymen isn't an agreement.  It doesn't come with any requirements or promises of loyalty.  It really means nothing.

After I 'lost my virginity,' I didn't know how to feel.  The phrasing itself left me with a feeling that I should feel a loss.  Should I be mourning my childhood, my purity?  It was fun.  I felt sexy.  I liked the boy with which I shared my first sexual experience.  We were good friends and it was fun.  It was wholesome.  It was his first time too.  I didn't feel like anything was missing.  I felt enriched, like I knew something others didn't.  I had sex.  I was sexual.  I was proud.

But, one night, it caught up with me.  I remembered the external influence.  I remembered the things I had learned as a kid and adolescent.  I heard the voices preaching the importance of purity and virtue.  I remembered that I had 'lost' something.  I lost my virginity.  It didn't matter that it was a very positive, loving experience.  I felt bad that I didn't feel bad.  I wasn't a kid anymore.  I had to be more mature now.  I wasn't a virgin anymore.  And in that moment, lost in the expectations of others, I forgot that I had made a good decision.  I forgot that I was in love and that I was still a kid.  I forgot that I had a pure heart and that I was a good person and I shed tears of mourning for something intangible, something that had never brought me joy.  I mourned a small mucous membrane that had probably been broken by a tampon or by my fingers long before my first boyfriend ever entered me.

I understand it better now.  When I think about my first time, I smile and I feel happy.  It was a beginning to a healthy wonderful part of my life. But, at the time, I had no one to turn to to share my shame.  My sister and mother had never made me feel bad for having sex.  No one was ashamed. No one put pressures on me.  I was 17 and I had taken a natural step in life.  My friends and family thought it was nothing to bat an eyelash at, but somewhere deep inside, I knew that society was frowning on my decision.  It may have been a natural progression, but feeling loss and shame were also natural, right?  It was, after all, inherent in the phrase.  It was lost.  I wasn't enriched.  I was missing something.

Now, I know this was bullshit and I frequently stop myself when I am about to say "I lost my virginity." It's not lost.  I know exactly when I decided to have sex for the first time.  I am not missing anything.  I am not without.  Nothing was taken from me.  I still talk to the man that gave me sex for the first time.  He gave me my first orgasm and he gave me love and respect.  Unfortunately, it took a little longer for me to give myself the love and respect that came so easily from him. It took more maturity for me to realize that virtue is a social construct that can't be defined by an act or a small layer of mucous.  My virtue and purity can't be taken and will never be lost.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

(Answers to) Fall '10 Survey #4


If had to choose a mate based on only one criteria, what would it be? *
sensabilities
What's something spontaneous that a romantic interest could do to surprise you? *
pick up the check
What's the meanest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you? *
honestly cant remember
What places do you go to, to look for a mate? *
everywhere im always looking
Underwear or "commando"? *
underwear
What's the lamest way you've ever been dumped (or have dumped someone)? *
txt
Favorite "bedroom boom" song? *
pretty willie four walls
Knowing that over half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, would you still want to get married? If so, why? *
yes, we don't plan our lives on failure
Ask for directions or keep looking on your own? *
ask ask ask
What do you believe motivates a man in terms of interaction with the opposite sex? What about a woman? *
femine ways

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

How to Handle a Guy After You Have Slept with Him

(The following is a re-print of an article on Ezinearticles.com.)

So you've slept with him. Now, you're wondering what you should say to him. You don't know how to act. You're afraid that you might say or do the wrong thing and the entire relationship goes up in flames. Well, there's no reason to fret. Here are some tips about how to handle a guy after you have slept with him.

1. Determine Your Feelings

The very first thing every woman should do is evaluate her feelings after sex. Was it the right move? Perhaps it would have been a better decision down the road? Whatever your feelings about it are, it is important to determine your reaction to the act so you would know how to handle a guy after you have slept with him.

2. Do, Not Say

If you decide that it was a step in the right direction, the next thing to do is to let him know that you are interested in pursuing things at this level of intimacy. However, instead of using words, use actions instead. Give him romantic gestures and refrain from acting needy and clingy because this will surely turn him off. Be confident and secure enough in yourself to be able to show him what you want without scaring him away.

3. Act Normally

Proceed with your normal activities. There's no reason for the universe to stop after you have slept with him. This will show him that you have your own life, and that you are mature enough to let him live his. It will also drive him crazy if he thinks that sleeping together wasn't such a big deal for you. Of course, you can subtly remind him of the fun you had from time to time to keep him interested.

4. Show Off Other Assets

It's also important to let him know that you are more than just a bed partner. Show him your sense of humor, your capability of intelligent conversation, and your other skills and talents out of the bedroom.

5. Connect Through Something Else

Try doing something else with him. There are other bonding activities you two can pursue. This is a subtle way wherein you can be more present in his life without alienating him. You could join him in an exercise routine, sports or any other activity that can be enjoyed together. This will also deepen his attraction to you because he knows he can enjoy other activities with you.

6. Don't Rush 

It's generally a good idea to wait a little bit before sleeping with him again. Apart from heightening his desire and curiosity, some space will also give you both time to reflect on your feeling and attitudes towards the relationship. Of course, during this period, it is important to let him know that yes, you are still interested and will be available soon.

7. Never Manipulate Through Sex

Lastly, sex should never be used as a weapon. Withholding or giving sex should never be used to wring out favors from him. In order for him to respect you as a whole person, you must show him that there's more to you than just sex.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Free Online Dating Service: How to Go About Choosing One

To effectively and easily choose the best free online dating service, below are some tips for you.

Internet Dating Sites

There are just too many free internet dating websites. How could you possibly choose the best among them? It could logically be like choosing a match in a matchbox full of matches. However, you could easily find and identify the best online dating service if you would closely look at several important factors.
Here are the most important factors that you should check out when you intend to find the best online dating service for yourself. Now you could select the best service that matches your interests and personality.

Free Membership And Regular Access

Nothing beats free services. That is why an online dating service would always be better and much popular among people compared to paid services. It is always best for online daters if they would not pay for anything including membership and monthly access fees. There are many free internet dating sites today so there would always be more options for men and women.

It is also better if your online dating service does not collect any hidden cost. When the site says it is free, it should be actually accessible for free. Do not use websites that claim to be free but tends to collect minimal fees during the membership period. Be careful not to take a free trial paid site as a free site. Also beware when 'upgrading' your membership as it could lead to collectibles.

Reputation And Security

Of course, you should always aim to stick with companies and sites with good reputation. It is always advisable to ask for actual feedbacks from people who have actually used the free online dating website. You may also check out numerous reviews, especially those that expose setbacks and negative opinions about any dating site. You may also consult the Better Business Bureau if there is such an agency in your area.

As for security issues, make sure you choose a dating site with features that are intended for protection of your overall personal security and privacy. Sometimes, the control is not on the end of the websites but on your side, especially when you do not have PC protection against adware, malware, and spyware. Make sure the website as well as your computer is protected by reliable virus protection programs.

Growing Community

It is futile to join a free internet dating service that has a small community. You are there to meet new people and find good candidates for dates. It would be better if there would be more options. It means it is better if the site has numerous members who like you are also looking forward to meet new people and strangers for possible dates.

Do not limit your gaze to people within your vicinity or locality. Sometimes, your dating website has to enable you to meet people from other cities, states, or countries so you could have wider variety.