The Definition of a Dime: A Points System

[This is a reproduction of a Facebook Note written by Anthony A. Armstrong, CEO of Armstrong Athletics (and a good friend of mine), and originally published on February 6, 2007.]

After 23 years of studying the female sex, I have come to realize that looks only get you so far. Some females may have the perfect legs, breasts, ass, face, etc. but they don't have anything inside that pretty little head of theirs. From these observations I have chosen to re-evaluate the "dime" criteria, because looks are not everything. I have decided to chop the popular "ten" ranking into two parts to determine one overall ranking. Five points will be given for the physical appearance, and it will be based on the opinion of the person giving the grade. To get that score just take what you would rank the person on the regular 1-10 scale and divide it by 2. i.e. 8/2=4

The five remaining points will come from a survey that assigns points to reach one final number. When the two numbers are combined together you will then have one sum to give the final grade. The five categories are Children, Education, Job Status, Living Arrangements, and Domestic Responsibilites aka Cooking and Cleaning. This is strictly for novelty uses, but it is actually pretty accurate and makes you think a bit. This is something that can go both ways, so feel free to give it a try.

When you go through the survey you add up the points that best represent you, then divide your total score by five. i.e. 20/5=4 In this situation this person [after adding both the physical appearance rank and the survey score] would be an 8. Now this is just a starting point because conversation can change your feelings towards the person.

Let Me Know What You Think!

Children:
5 Points = 0 Kids
4 Points = 1 Kid
3 Points = 2 Kids
2 Points = 3 Kids
1 Point = 4+ Kids

Education:
5 Points = Master's Degree or Grad Student
4 Points = Bachelor's Degree or Senior
3 Points = Associate's Degree to Junior
2 Points = Freshman
1 Point = No School

Job Status:
5 Points = Full Time, Very Secure, Over 40k
4 Points = Full Time, Under 40k
3 Points = Part Time During School
2 Points = Part Time, No School
1 Point = Unemployed

Living Arrangements:
5 Points = Own Place, No Parental Assistance
4 Points = Own Place with Parental Assistance, or Dorm
3 Points = Parent's or Guardian's House but Graduated and Employed
2 Points = Parent's or Guardian's House Only School or Job
1 Point = Parent's or Guardian's House, No School or Unemployed

Domestic Responsibilities:
5 Points = Food Network Chef, plus Cleans and does Laundry
4 Points = Decent Cook, Cleans and does Laundry
3 Points = Cooks and either Cleaning or Laundry
2 Points = No Cooking, Just Cleans and/or does Laundry
1 Point = Nothing at all

Chexting?!?

"I'm hitting you from the back and you're loving it-- send!!!"

As if we needed another texting portmanteau, "chexting" is a new term that describes cheating on your significant other with... wait for it... text messages!

I guess this falls under the communications section of the cheating rulebook for women-- along with phoning, e-mailing, and two cans connected by a string-- but for men texting outside the relationship for immoral purposes is more like being a dental office receptionist.  We send reminders before the visit to make sure she comes in for her scheduled "drilling," then do a follow-up to gauge client satisfaction and ensure future visits.

Chexting is a cute term but it's not an issue until your man tries to download his own personal "penis app" into one of the chicks on his contact list.  Men like text messaging because it's non-invasive (sorta), quiet, and gives them time to formulate a response.  It also gives them myriad opportunities to cultivate some corny-ass Casanova alter ego, as evidenced by Tiger's racy texts.

[Sidebar: If you plan to do some chexting of your own, consider using TigerText.  It sets a lifespan for the texts you send, deleting them from the recipient's phone as well as your own.]

Another Shameless Endorsement

The Male Brain, by psychiatrist Louann Brizendine, M.D., details-- from the cradle to "the gray"-- the biological, psychological, and emotional drives that make us men.

I found this an exciting and interesting book to read (and you're talking to a guy who's mostly into magazines [they're more concise]).  I saw myself and even my own father in some of the stories and explanations presented in this brisk read that maps the complexities of and misunderstandings about male development above the neck.

The book looks thick but what you're interested in comprises only 135 pages; the rest is notes, references, and the index.  Brizendine's first book was The Female Brain.  I haven't read that one but you're welcome to do so and slip me the CliffsNotes.

(Answers to) Questions for Women 3

Questionnaire created with Wufoo.  [Note: Answers (in italics) are present exactly as they were received.]

What do you think you know about men and their emotions?

Most are pretty transparent to me!

 

Finish this sentence: After having sex with a man for the first time, my first thought is…

Damn that was.........(decide whether to do it again)

 

What non-physical attribute do you find most attractive in a man?

Brains!!!

 

What’s the cheapest date a man could get away with?

Cooking a nice dinner, making a picnic, going to the park together

 

Would you engage in a threesome with another woman to satisfy your man?

Maybe

 

What’s a first date deal breaker?

The way he is dressed is a mess!

 

Do you watch porn? How do you feel about men watching porn?

Yep, love it, let's watch together for inspiration!

 

What relationship issues/questions would you like to see addressed on the New Shoes blog?

Ummm.....not many more because I find myself spending too much time on the blog as it is!

 

A Kid on Christmas

He reaches under the tree for a present.

He unwraps it, reveals a fabolous new toy.  Overjoy!  He's gotten what he's been asking for, something nice-looking with a lot of bells and whistles.

After a little while, though, that love begins to wane.  The toy doesn't shine like it did in the beginning, at least the way he sees it.  He's bored with it now but has to lug it around and keep it clean and pretend he's satisfied-- it's more trouble than it's worth.

Problem solved!  He's dropping that toy and running back under the tree to unwrap another one.  Hell, unwrapping them might be the best part.

His mother tells him he can have his new toy but she's donating the old toy to "a child who will appreciate it."  The boy snaps, screams at his mother.  He still wants the old toy; never mind that he doesn't intend to play with it ever again.  That toy is his and even though he doesn't appreciate it it would be an affront to his nature to see it in another child's hands.

This has been a parable.

A Video Answer to a Burning Question

Occasionally, I'll use video to briefly answer the questions asked most frequently by you. Fill out the Wufoo.com questionnaire and let me know what questions you most desperately need answered; and like a genie I'll emerge and grant your wish.

Tiki Barber is the RULE

What makes a "happily" married man with kids blow demolition charges beneath the foundation of his perfect life, blowing debris of hurt, shame, and humiliation all over family and friends?

New pussy, is what.

Tiki Barber had a perfectly decent pair of shoes (currently eight months preggo) that he'd worn well for eleven years, but he suddenly saw a pair of new shoes (in pic, above) and had to have them.  You ladies know that feeling, right?  Staring at those designer sandles, wondering if the financial risk justifies the reward.  Fuck it-- you need those shoes!

Men look at what's going on with the former NY Giant turned sports "journalist" and we fully understand, even if we pretend to agree with your suggestion that he commit hara kiri.  Tiki wanted some strange, he wanted it young, and he wanted it no farther than his reach.  Men, especially those in positions of power-- don't know if being able to call Jenna Wolfe a cunt during the Beijing Olympics qualifies-- take full advantage of their clout and celebrity but still only pursue women in their immediate universe (see Clinton).

So could your man pull a #21?  He's probably more likely to.  Tiki Barber is rich and handsome and can get all kinds of hot ass.  Your man was lucky enough to get you (and a dimepiece you probably ain't).  He likely earns a mid to high five-figure salary as the bottom bitch at XYZ Corp and pines for summer when the college interns arrive like manna from heaven.

[Postscript: Even dogs know not to shit where they eat.  Tiki's kids, as opposed to Tiger's, are old enough to comprehend the scope and consequences of what he's done.  For a man who said he couldn't forgive his own father's infidelities, Barber will now have to bear the potential filial wrath he's long carried within.]