Seriously, Are You Ready for a Relationship?

There are 5 things you must have to be ready for a serious relationship:

1. Have your own life

Guys love it when women have their own lives. When you have your own life, you become instantly more desirable because you’ll be more interesting to talk to and guys will feel like dating you is a challenge (in a good way). That being said, always return calls promptly, no matter how busy you are. You want him to have to chase you, but you don’t want him to think you’re impossible to catch. 

2. Be emotionally available and get the attitude that works

If you’re in the stage of not being over your ex boyfriend, you can date casually all you want, but realize that you can’t emotionally commit to a new guy if you still love your ex. The next stage people go through after a breakup is, “I just don’t want to date right now” or “I love being single”. It is a waste of your time to look for a match if you are in one of these stages.

You need the attitude that works for dating, which is the power of attraction. Think that you are going to meet your match, and you will put energy and time to that. You have to realize that you will have bad dates and disappointments before you meet your match, but you need to find the right attitude, time and emotional availability. Most people give up before they meet their match. 

3. You are confident

The #1 thing guys say they want in women is confidence and style. In fact, around 92% of men asked specifically for a confident and trendy woman. A confident and trendy woman is an attractive (note I didn’t say beautiful!) woman and irresistible to men.

The saying goes, “If you can’t love yourself, what makes you think somebody else will?” There’s a lot of truth to that, and you should take it to heart. You must learn to love yourself if you expect to love someone else and have him love you back.

You should invest time in your mind, body and soul if you want to become confident. Go to the gym, go shopping, get your hair done, invest in your health, read a good book, meditate, take a class, etc.  Plus, each small success you have will boost your confidence. That’s not all you need to become confident if your current confidence level is zero, but it’s a good place to start. 

4. Have the right expectations

The biggest problem I see is that women are not prepared for dating. They had too high of expectations for who their match should be, and they would chase men who would never like them back. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself who would want to be with a woman like me for the rest of his life?  The two best things to do are to improve yourself or lower your expectations. 

5. You are ready to dedicate time and play the numbers

A survey of 1,000 women I conducted suggests that it takes 80% of women approximately 16 dates at a local dating service or 36 dates through online dating sites to be find their matches. Although you can find love after only 4 dates if you’re lucky, it takes most of us (myself included) A LOT longer.

Data from the thousands of women also suggest that most women give up dating after only 6 dates. You have to be ready to play the numbers and go on as many dates as possible. If you’re not willing to date at least twice a week, you might not be ready to be in a serious relationship. If you can’t find the time to date and you’re not emotionally available, what makes you think you’ll have the time and energy to have a relationship with your match?

Why Hasn't He Called?

How Long?

(The following is a reprint of a post on the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

Okay.  Here it is ... The eternal question of absurdity ... How long do you wait before calling or texting someone after the first date?  How long do you wait before calling or texting someone after you have had sex for the first time?  Who sets the rules and who actually follows?  What is wrong with just being flirtatious or being open?

It's totally possible that after having sex, or meeting for the first time, you might not like a person.  They might not like you.  It doesn't mean anything about the other person, it doesn't mean anything about you.  It just means one of you didn't click with the other.  This can be tough on the pride.  It can definitely be a blow to the ego.  What it should not be is cloaked in mystery around whether the person actually likes you or whether they are following some arbitrary set of rules.  The room for question shouldn't be so vast or confusing.

I mean, I get it.  People don't want to open themselves up for rejection.  Or, they don't want to get themselves involved in something too quickly and they want to keep a safety buffer.  That's fine.  What is not fine is this act of devising a method and formula of deception and dishonesty to create that buffer.  Nothing says "I thought you were really cool, but I am just not looking for a relationship or a commitment this quickly," like "I thought you were really cool, but I am just not looking for a relationship or commitment this quickly."  A great way to say "let's take some time," is by simply saying it.  Not creating an algebraic equation of when to return a text.

I think honesty is the best policy.  If you don't like someone, if you didn't click, just tell them.  But, on the flip side, nothing really says "I did not dig you" like never calling or returning a text.  That is a different story.  That is pretty clear.  You don't need some asshole to write you a book on it.  I have to admit, I am guilty of the clean cut.  That having been said, don't make someone think they are getting the clean cut, then call them back two weeks later and say that wasn't the case.  This just makes you a fucker.

*Side note - If you think this post was written with you in mind, you are probably right.  But, it's not passive aggressive, because I have said it to your face, as well.  Plus, you knew I wrote this blog when you decided to put your "P" in my "V" and act like a fucker afterward.  Alls fair.  I knew you might act like a confused marmoset again and you knew I might write about your penis.

Also, if we didn't have a talk that sounded strikingly similar to this post, it's not you.  Give me a call.  We're probably still cool.

A Portrait of the Asshole as a Young Man 25

I suppose an alternative title would've satisfied: "While the Gettin' is Good," maybe.  Anyway...

With my high school reunion approaching, I spoke with my boys about the relevance of such an event in the age of Facebook (I mean, I've already "caught up" with most of the folks I cared about).

"You go back," one of them said, "so you can see if any of the chicks that you wanted to get at are still as fine."  They're probably not.  "Maybe you could finish what you started."  I probably won't.

But then we got to talking to about how the "shine" you get off a piece of new pussy is only as bright as the lady herself.  That is, I want to be under a woman when she's in her prime.  If I get to bag "Denise" now that she's all grown up (and twenty pounds heavier), I'll still feel inferior to the dudes who got to smash when "Denise" had a tight body (that knew nothing about childbearing) and a target on her back every time she entered the club ('cause bitches be hatin', y'know).

Women are like milk (to men), and we all want to get our drink on prior to the "use by _____" deadline.  After that, you're only getting a fraction of what another man once enjoyed wholly.  I might as well be fucking the ghost of the woman you used to be!

Who am I to judge?  No one, particularly.  But I do know that look the best that I ever have, at twenty-seven; meanwhile, many of the women I came up with are going to shit -- yet still expecting the princess treatment. (LOL I just laughed a little... inside.)

"Why Won't He Date Me?"

(The following is a reprint of a post on About.com.)

Sandboxes asks, "I am 47, "Bob" is 39. We connected using 'Are You Interested' on Facebook and he added me as a friend. Then it turned out we have a mutual friend in his brother-in-law. I told Bob I am attracted to him and would like to meet for a coffee. Bob says he doesn't "see a match". 

Two weeks ago Bob abruptly announced he just started dating someone and "it's serious". Despite this, Bob told me in the past he's too shy to approach women and he waits for them to ask him out. From what I can see of his profile, Bob is a serial dater and has children from two previous relationships. He just seems to be lost without a woman in his life and he frequently adds new women he meets on "Are You Interested". 

My question: What is Bob's problem? I've told him I'm interested. He knows what I look like. He knows my background, schooling, etc. His brother-in-law has met me, knows my reputation, and in fact told me that Bob was talking about me at a family get-together recently. But Bob would rather date other women. Are all men this confusing, with mixed messages and rules that only they know?"

Sandboxes, I'm going to be blunt: Bob doesn't have a problem. You do. Why are you investing so much time and energy into a man who, by your own admission, isn't dateable nor interested? He made it clear from the start when you asked him out that he didn't see a match. How is that playing by dating rules only he knows? Sure, the rejection hurts. Yet he was honest, and I've lost count of the women who have told me throughout the years, "Why couldn't he just tell me he wasn't interested?"

Well, Bob did, but you didn't want to hear it. So what's a guy supposed to do? He's in a serious relationship now. Leave him alone, stop using Facebook to check his status, and stop analyzing why he's doing whatever he's doing. In Getting Past Your Breakup, Susan J. Elliot wisely suggests that each time you think of an ex (in this case, a man you're attached to that hasn't reciprocated) you say to yourself, "It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter." Because really, he doesn't matter. You do.

Its time to start prioritizing your needs, not some man's that you barely know. Break your bad love habits, and find some new ways to feel good. After a few weeks, you'll forget completely about Bob and will have a better relationship with yourself to offer someone new.

Dating Etiquette for Women

(The following is a re-print of an article on Ezinearticles.com.)

Are you looking for the right dating etiquette for women of today? Have the rules changed so much that you wouldn't know the right dating etiquette for women if you saw it? Were you raised with an old fashioned mentality and you're wondering where dating etiquette for women have gone?

Long gone are the days when women needed to be chaperoned wherever they went. Every move was measured and noticed. If a woman stepped out of bounds, the consequences could often be unpleasant.
Today, we've gained the freedom to do as we please. But does that mean that we should blindly go about doing whatever we want. Read the following dating etiquette for women in these changing times.
The Temptation to Rush
The need to become involved in a serious romance can often lead women to push for a quicker build up of a relationship. In her haste, however, she's passing over some vital steps, like getting to truly know the guy in question.

In addition to skipping these steps, you're giving the guy an unpleasant view of what's to come. Once you start pushing for more attention, more time and more love, you're actually pushing him away.

Cease Competing

With so many women in the workforce, we've gained a great deal of independence. Unfortunately, many of us have also acquired a good deal of arrogance regarding our career status. This can sometimes push us to compete with the guys we meet. We want so badly to prove that we're just as good, if not better, than they are, that we actually enter a contest with him.

If you feel you must do this, make sure you keep it within an atmosphere of fun and amusement.

Respect Never Goes Out of Style

We're so quick to fawn over a cute guy and want to do everything to impress him and get him to like us. Once we've achieved that, many will then turn around and start criticizing the very guy they worked so hard to get.

Men don't do things the same way women do, and many women have a problem with that. So instead of accepting our differences, these women will make an effort to change the guy.

Respect him for the man he is. After all, you're the one who chose him so he must have some great qualities. Love and admire those qualities and maintain a healthy degree of respect for the things you don't like so much.
When you really look at it, dating etiquette for women really is a simple guideline that ends up making the guy feel good about being with you. As you would in any other new relationship, be mindful of the things you say and do. Being polite, interesting and engaging will win you points in any social setting, and the same goes for the dating scene.

Men and women may be different on many levels, but in the end we simply all want to be treated right. Treat him with the respect and admiration that you wish to have him treat you and you'll be on the right path to a great relationship.

(Answers to) Fall '10 Survey #6

If you had to choose a mate based on only one criteria, what would it be?	sanity
What's something spontaneous that a romantic interest could do to surprise you?	dutch on the bill
What's the meanest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you?	I don't love you any more
What places do you go to, to look for a mate?	club, mall wherever
Underwear or "commando"?	lol gotta have soemthin on
What's the lamest way you've ever been dumped (or have dumped someone)?	text
Favorite "bedroom boom" song?	R kelly
Knowing that over half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, would you still want to get married? If so, why?	HELL NAW
Ask for directions or keep looking on your own?	ask for directions
What do you believe motivates a man in terms of interaction with the opposite sex? What about a woman?	for a man, sex and food/ for a woman, money and wedding