What are Alpha Women?

Guess which one's going to jail.

(The following is a re-print of an article on CountryCouples.co.uk.)

We have all heard the term Alpha Male – Alpha as we all know is the first letter of the Greek alphabet and is used to refer to number one, therefore the alpha male is the number one male in a group of males.
An alpha female is therefore the number one female in a group of females. The term is probably most commonly used for the leading female in a pride of lions.

I am therefore a little curious how all of the females in a group of females can be referred to as alpha women.
When you talk of human alpha females most people would think of strong women such as Margaret Thatcher or Condoleezza Rice, women that got out there and did it rather than sit and talk about how they can if they want to. Alternatively you could consider alpha women to be like Princess Diana or Joan Collins, women that understand their beauty and make men work hard for their attention.

By definition alpha leaders are strong, aggressive and confident or they are forced from their place by an underling.

I was therefore intrigued when I came across a website yesterday called alphawomen, it is an attractively designed website, the site itself is well written and it has a number of interesting features. I feel sure it will do well and sincerely hope that it does, however there are four reasons I will not be joining:

No 1. Contradictions:
In the about us section it states “being a member of AlphaWomen.com means that you’ll never have to read the article ‘Ten Tips on How to Impress Your Mate,’ again.”
This is the comment on the site which fueled this post, to me it effectively says to stop caring about your relationship and concentrate on yourself …. no thanks, mine is very important to me and as a strong independent confident woman I am happy to take time to please my man and he is happy to take time to please me ….. that is why we call it equality.

On the same page it says “AlphaWomen.com allows women to create their own blog posts to share content (including pictures and video) and then link back to their own blog. This drives the right traffic to your blog.”

My blog is about relationships … oh yes and tips on how to impress your mate!!

No 2. Their Definition of Alpha Women
The site states “An Alpha Woman is a strong, independent woman who is successful in her everyday life. Though she may not be the CEO of a company or make several million a year, she is confident about who she is as a person and where she is headed in the future. She is a decision-maker who has goals and aspirations; she is opinionated and not afraid to speak her mind. Most importantly, she is a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and who strives to get the most out of every single day.”

My response is I am a strong, independent successful, confident, opinionated, decision-maker that knows where I am going in life … so why do I need to huddle in a corner with other supposedly alpha women to remind each other how strong and confident we are? Why can’t I discuss politics, religion, relationships, etc with anyone I find interesting and knowledgeable? I run my own business, travel the world, write articles and two blogs all without the aid of a label or group hug …. although I would be lost without my laptop.

I find it more than a little patronising that as an “alpha woman” it is felt that I should necessarily gravitate to others of the same ilk. Good luck to those that need the support but surely that defeats the point of being an alpha woman?

3. Marketing
“AlphaWomen.com was conceived around the realization that a place on the internet did not yet exist for strong, modern women to talk about issues that are relevant in today’s society.”

Well BlogHer has been going since 2005 and Blogs by Women has a list of over 5,600 women bloggers (I note with amusement that alphawomen.com is listed). These are all strong independent women who discuss, on the open internet, issues that would make my mothers hair curl. Where are our strong female voices being stiffled? Women have been blogging for years so how could a platform for women not exist?

If I may use an Americanism. ladies … get over yourselves, we don’t need to complain about how downtrodden we are because being strong independent women we don’t allow that to happen to us.

Man bashing seems to be the latest female sport and quite frankly it is more than a little nauseating, we women hated life when men constantly put us down so why are we trying to stoop to their level to prove our worth? Ladies, women will attain true equality when you stop desperately trying to prove to yourselves that your equality exists and just get on with life.

Trying to reinvent womens lib in a day when women in the west are already liberated seems to me to be trying to reinvent the wheel, at worst pointless and best a clever marketing ploy.

Of course in my mother's day there was no internet but the ladies still had coffee mornings where they could discuss issues with other women …. perhaps the internet simply needs it’s own ladies coffee mornings?

As a strong independent woman I shall simply sit quietly, run my business, enjoy my equality and freedom to express myself through my blogging (which by the way already exists).

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Confidence

(The following is a re-post from the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

Confidence and its adversary insecurity have been coming up in conversation and in my mind a lot lately.  The ideas of confidence and insecurity are so multifaceted.  We could peel the layers back for days and not even tap the surface.  I have confidence and insecurity in the same areas.  My confidence in certain things sways from day to day.  I am, overall, a very confident person, but everyone has their weaknesses and their moments when they are weaker or more insecure than others.

I go to a very prestigious women's college.  I am surrounded by some of the smartest women in the nation, but the insecurity permeates.  During finals, around midterms, you can cut the insecurity with a butter knife.  During class discussions, I always make sure my thoughts are well organized before diving in.  But, even with my thoughts gathered tightly, when I start making my point, my cheeks turn a slight shade rosier.  I rarely ever feel stupid after speaking.  But, when I'm in it, I get flush and feel insecure in my ability to deliver my point clearly.  Once it's out of my head and out of my mouth, I hold my head a little higher and my confidence level increases with every assertion of my reason and ideas.  After 2 years of sweaty palms and brief moments of insecurity, I have built a level of confidence I never thought I would attain.  Logic is like antibodies for insecurity.

When I am about to meet a man for the first time, I get really nervous.  This doesn't change from date to date.  Every time I meet a new man, I still get jitters.  I don't think there is an antibody for this, because I don't really think it's insecurity.  It's more just a fear of the unknown.  I am generally just as worried that I won't like them as I am that they won't like me.  It does, however, change over time with one man.  After I have gotten to know a man a bit better, I can relax and be my normal charming self.

When I meet new friends, I am secure right off the bat.  When I meet one on one with professors, classmates and colleagues to discuss ideas, I am generally cool as a clam.  If there are no expectations, I can be charming.  I can relay my thoughts with clarity.  I can be witty and I can be relaxed.  I can engage in conversations ranging from art to politics to cars to hip hop with little-to-no trepidation.  (I did, however, have to double check my spelling of trepidation.)  But, some days, I just don't want to interact with anyone.  I hate having a pimple.  Some days I feel like my words just won't express my point of view.  These are called bad days and they don't make me any less secure, overall.

Then, there's the blog.  Since I started this blog (4 months ago, today), I have felt like I have my hand raised in class.  This has been four months of trying to articulate my thoughts before the class.  The only difference is, in the class, the judgment is mostly in my mind.  Here, I get texts, emails and sideways glances.  The negative feedback comes far less than the positive.  I get more women and men saying they love the blog than I get people passing judgment, but the negative feedback rings so much louder.

Almost as soon as I started typing this post, I got a text from a man expressing less than favorable views regarding the blog and my active role in the stories.  He suggested that I not make the blog about me.  Taking his suggestion would make my life far less complicated.  This blog has turned my life upside down in ways.  I could have made it an advice blog.  I could have kept my personal stories out of it.  The trouble is, I don't give advice.  And ... this is a blog about my life.  So, I guess I could have just not made a blog at all. Or I could have kept it anonymous.  I could have said ... Look this is life.  Don't be ashamed, but I am.  So, I'm not going to tell my story.  But, I will sit back and tell you what I think you should do.   

Trouble with that is, I started the blog because I didn't know what the hell I was doing with my life.  I was seeking relationships with the first guy I could so that I could avoid what comes when you are alone.  And even though I share my bed occasionally, I am alone.  And I am learning me and ironing out the kinks.  In case you haven't noticed, I am a wreck in the love/relationship category.  But, after flushing out some reasoned ideas on dating, I am building my antibodies and my confidence is growing.  But, it's only by telling my story that I am building my immunity.  It's only by flushing out the heartbreak and the ego jolts and confessing my love of sex, that I have been able to start dropping my walls and building my confidence. I am no role model.  I don't claim to be.  I am not even sure how you heard about this blog.  Odds are good you got it from some chain that started with one of my good friends.  Because, that's who this blog was started for.  I started it for me and my friends.  Who knew the internet was all over the world?  So, with my shaking hand raised and my face flush, my classroom has grown from 4 friends in Houston to an unknown amount of friends in Australia, Japan, Finland, England, and even Indonesia.  (That's right Indonesia ... I have Adsense and I see ya peepin' the page.)

So, my confidence is growing.  It's just hard to see, because I'm still talking in front of the class.  I haven't had that moment to sit back and say ... "Oh, now it all makes sense.  That's why I raised my hand."  When I first started going to the gym, I was intimidated by all the 'gym people.'  They all knew how to use the equipment and their push-ups looked all perfect and they could see my less than tight arms.  But now, I am strong.  I know how to use the equipment and I am kind of a beast with my push-ups.  I can only hope I get the same results from this exercise.  I hope my growth brings no one pain and that I come out a better person on the other side.  Thanks for reading.

Crucial Dating Tips

If you're a woman having trouble getting past that first date, left wondering why he never calls back, and what you're doing wrong, here are some important tips to keep in mind the next time you get dressed and go out on the town.

The first thing to remember is that it has very little to do with you, as a person. It has nothing to do with your physical attractiveness, your personality, or anything about what makes you, you. It has everything to do with simple psychology, which is employed masterfully (whether intentionally or not) by those women who seem to have the best luck on the dating circuit. Here are five tips you can't do without.

TIP #1: Don't Treat Your Date Like It's an Interview
The is one of the most common, and most fatal mistakes made by both men and women. Sitting at dinner, searching for things to talk about to keep the silence from becoming deafening, a woman will begin asking every question in the book. From "what's your favorite color" to "where do you see yourself in five years," these questions seem harmless enough, but enough of them will sink the ship. If you feel you need these questions answered ahead of time, the best online dating services are waiting for you. Let the conversation flow naturally. If a question should arise through the normal course of talking, feel free to ask. But don't sit there and ask question after question, as if interrogating a criminal.

TIP #2: Practice a Certain Amount of Aloofness
This one is straight out of your mom's playbook, but it continues to hold water today. Guys, by and large, don't want someone they just met calling them every day and night. Every other time you feel the urge to call, let your hand do something else and let the phone chill.

TIP #3: Control Your Nerves
One of the easiest ways to wreck a first date is to let your ne4rvousness get the best of you. You start laughing at things that aren't funny, you do things you normally wouldn't do, or, worst of all, you sit in silence because you're too afraid to say anything. Relax and be yourself.

TIP #4: Be Honest
Most people, believe it or not, have a pretty good BS detector. If you have skeletons in your closet, the first date is probably not the time to bring them out into the open. On the other hand, answering questions honestly and not trying to make yourself seem like something you're not is equally important.

TIP #5: Keep Your Clothes On
Another one you might perceive to be out of your mom's handbook, but this is critical. Guys aren't going to start a long term relationship with someone who slept with them on the first night, except perhaps 30 year olds still living with their parents. They just aren't. The only thing going through their heads will be "how many other guys has she done that with?" It may be sexist, it may be wrong, but it's the truth. If you're looking to start a relationship, hold off the sex for another time.

3 Important Things Every Woman Should Know About Calling Men

Communications are critical - we all have to talk or send signals or we won't know what to do and what is going on. But understanding some basic psychology of gender differences can make it or break it in the dating game.

Perharps you have called a guy after a great date. Is that so wrong? Actually, most of the time it might be. Complicated isn't it, this world of communications between men and women. How about texting? Is that ok? What about calling after a certain amount of time. Is that ok? Is it impossible to figure this all out? Are you doomed to being powerless? Absolutely not!

By the time you finish reading this dating advice, you will be far ahead of your friends who will wonder how you manage to handle those handsome men successfully.

There are some basic rules and information that can help you make the right moves and keep the worry monster away. we talk about these in our dating advice. Listed below are three of them.

1. If he calls and you aren't available, return the call. It's polite, it's friendly and it's the right thing to do. If you like him, this may be his time to ask you out and if you wait too long, he may think you are not interested. If you aren't interested, call him anyway. It's the right thing to do and at some point you have to learn to do the hard things in life such as telling a nice guy, "I like you , and thanks for asking me out again, but I didn't feel we had enough in common to move on to a second date."

2. You had a great date and he isn't calling. Should you call him the next day and thank him? NO! I hope you thanked him on the night of the date. Now, you wait.

3. Why are there rules? Why is a man the one who should call after a date? Hasn't the world changed? Yes, of course the world has changed in many wonderful ways for men and women. But calling after a date isn't one of them - and that's not a bad thing. Every game has rules and the dating game is no different. Play by the rules and everyone is comfortable. That's why you don't see people in restaurants standing on tables and yelling - the rules of eating out require you not act like that. They also require using utensils properly and speaking in a quiet tone of voice. The world runs smoother this way.

And the same is true of communications between men and women. Is it fair? Actually, yes. Rules allow you to know where you stand in the game of dating. If he doesn't call you after a date, you know he doesn't want to go out again. At least not now. Ok, that's a bummer - but it frees you up to move on to the one who can't wait to call you and see you again after a date.
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If you really need to talk about "the night before" - call a friend. Tell her the good, the bad, and the ugly. And then, go play a game of tennis or do some work, or call another friend. Go have a life - the more you do that, the less you will care if he calls, and the happier you will be whether he does or not. Life is not lived on the cell (not completely anyway!). So go do something and see how interesting you are to him when he calls and you are out doing something!

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