(Answers to) Fall '10 Survey #3

If you could choose a mate based on only one criteria, what would it be?	Who uses only one when choosing a mate?
What's something spontaneous that a romantic interest could do to surprise you?	Show up where I work just to say hi.
What's the meanest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you?	You were just a distraction, never really had feelings for you.
What places do you go to, to look for a mate?	Bars/clubs for sex, a mate will be found when the time is right in the universe.
Underwear or "commando"?	Underwear definitely! It's sexier too!
What's the lamest way you've ever been dumped (or have dumped someone)?	Never seen or heard from again. When it's over, be an adult and have the balls to say so.
Favorite "bedroom boom" song?	Use Somebody, the lead singers voice turns me on
Knowing that over half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, would you still want to get married? If so, why?	NO!!!!!!
Ask for directions or keep looking on your own?	Keep going solo, too many detours when asked for directions.
What do you believe motivates a man in terms of interaction with the opposite sex? What about a woman?	Man: sex, would I sleep with her. Women: stability, would I raise a family with him

A Portrait of the Asshole as a Young Man 24

The author (right) as actor; LMG forever!

For this, New Shoes's 300th post, I thought I'd take some time out as the author to let you know what I've been up to.  Surely you've noticed that my original posts have been replaced with more generic -- albeit helpful -- re-posts of online dating articles and entries from other blogs (thanks, Jehn!).

As some of you may know, New Shoes is just a part of the business (production company) I co-own and co-operate, Leviathan Media Group.  2010 has been a busy year for us, and it's only gotten busier as winter approaches.  That said, more pressing duties require that I re-allocate the time I'd normally spend on thinking up and fleshing out topics.

There simply aren't enough hours in the day!  But no excuses.

I know that many of you would rather hear a fresh voice (like yours truly), but do know that I only re-post articles and blog entries I feel will do just as much if not more justice to you women (and men [LOL]).  At the end of the day you want to know how men really think, and I think I've done a good enough job thus far filling you in.  That said, I know I've been remiss in giving you the "asshole" that forms the whirlpool center of this peculiar blog.

I feel it's important to state, in the interest of full disclosure, that I am dedicated to posting every day until the one-year anniversary of the New Shoes blog; fittingly enough, it's Valentines Day 2011.  After that, posts will become more sporadic as I begin combing through the myriad entries, separating the cream from the dregs until I've got what I need to write "New Shoes: The Book."

That's right.  A book is coming!

So hang with me -- that is to say, hang tough.  Tell your family, friends and co-workers to visit this blog and tell them I'm open to any suggestions that would make it more interactive for you all.  After all, one man is not New Shoes.  I get it from you guys; you give this blog life, and I thank you.

I thank you.

How NOT to Fall in Love With a Loser

(Answers to) Fall '10 Survey #2

If you could choose a mate based on only one criteria, what would it be? *	i want to say honesty but my gut reaction was if they are good in bed
What's something spontaneous that a romantic interest could do to surprise you? *	cook
What's the meanest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you? *	no
What places do you go to, to look for a mate? *	i don't look...if i happen upon someone so be it...
Underwear or "commando"? *	underwear
What's the lamest way you've ever been dumped (or have dumped someone)? *	through someone else
Favorite "bedroom boom" song? *	slowly by syleena johnson
Knowing that over half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, would you still want to get married? If so, why? *	not sure at this point...probably not
Ask for directions or keep looking on your own? *	directions
What do you believe motivates a man in terms of interaction with the opposite sex? What about a woman? *	men-pussy women-love

Sexual Peak

(The following is a re-print of a post on the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

There is much debate over whether or not a sexual prime exists in men and women.  I decided to google it, for obvious reasons.  I masturbate every day.  I have always loved sex, but I am currently at my most lustful.  I turned 30 a month ago, so naturally I have been writing this increased hunger off to a sexual prime.

I have always thought there was some hormonal increase that happens to women in her 30s.  You get an increase of hormones and an increase in libido.  Turns out, this isn't so.  I have no more hormones now than I did at 18.  I have always had a little additional testosterone floating around my system, but there isn't some burst of hormones that hits in ones 30s or 40s.  Women and men both get the biggest hormone burst around 18.

So, why am I regularly skipping dinner to stay in and have "me" time?  Something has happened.  I wasn't always like this.  As I've said, I have always loved sex.  I lost my virginity at 17 and had my first orgasm soon thereafter.  Barring times of debilitating illness or lack of privacy/opportunity, I have not gone more than a few days without cumming, since.

However, now I masturbate almost every day, sometimes, more than once a day.  If I had a steady partner, I would be requesting sex at least twice a day.  When I had a boyfriend, if we had sex 3 times a day, I was happy and satisfied.  It's unbelievable.  My urges are amazing even me.  I have even considered the fact that I might be addicted to sex.  I signed up for the Sex Addicts Anonymous cyber meetings.  Turns out, I don't really fit the bill.  Aside from skipping the occasional meal, I don't really let anything else go by the wayside.  I am still selective about with whom and where I have sex.  I do, however, consider a private or semi private restroom to be an appropriate place.  I don't think about sex all day, but I am easily turned on.  I have been talking to a new guy for a few days and the wit, banter and hints to sex have me shifting in my seat quite regularly.

If I'm not in a sexual prime, then I can only write this increase off to an increase in confidence.  I remember that when I was young, I was ashamed to masturbate.  I thought my sexual urges made me gross or strange.  After I got older and more open, I found out all of my female friends that were willing to talk about it were rubbin' one out, at least once a week.

In my mid twenties, a partner asked if he could watch me pleasure myself and I realized that masturbation was not only normal, but it was sexy.  I know it sounds strange.  Of course it's sexy.  But, when you are irrationally ashamed of something, it's hard to see it for what it is.  These new realizations made masturbation even more enjoyable.  The more I masturbated, the more I realized what I liked.  The more I realized what I liked, the easier it was to orgasm with a partner.   My acceptance of masturbation led to better sex with my partners.

So, higher confidence led to freedom in exploring myself, which led to better sex with my partners, which led to better fantasies for more masturbation and it just spiraled from there.  I think this is what a healthy attitude toward sex looks like.  Yet, I still find myself questioning how I could love sex so much. Deep in the back of mine, I am still fighting the idea that sex is something men love and something women are willing to do to satisfy a man.  A part of me thinks I am odd for loving sex so much.  But, I am starting to realize that I am just a normal woman with lust.  I might have a bigger appetite than some and my appetite might be smaller than that of other women, but it's not strange in any way.

It is what it is.  I love sex.  I don't do it looking for love or with any hidden motives.  I believe it is an act of love. Not just love shared with other people, but a love for me, as well.  I encourage women to safely explore their urges.  You don't have to wait for some fictional sexual peak when your lust becomes acceptable.  It's acceptable now.  Embrace it.

"Is He Just Keeping Me Around Till He Finds a Better Woman?"

If you are not sure about the man you are dating, then there is something wrong and you have to get to the bottom of it to enjoy a full and lasting relationship. Look for these signs that will tell you if he is serious or just fooling around with you.

Is he sincere and loving
No man who is not sincere and serious about you will be loving, tender and compassionate at all times. He will fool around with your emotions and will show inconsistent and selfish behavior at some point of the relationship. Test him and see if he is always there for you.

Is he always on the look out for someone better?
One sign a philandering man will give is the fact that he is always on the look out to make a "kill". He will continually check out other women and ogle them. This shows you that he is just there with you for the present till he can find a better woman. Beware of his tactics to take advantage of you.

Is he always complaining and criticizing?
Think back and decide if he has been encouraging and complimenting or the complaining and criticizing type! Is he always saying cutting things that wound your self esteem and pride? If he is not considerate and sensitive to your moods it proves that he is there only because of what he gets!

Does he give me enough time?
Are you always the one who has to make the sacrifices? Does he give you enough time or do you always have to give way to his friends? This is important and the more he proves that he does not value you or give you priority over others in his life, it shows that he is just fooling around till someone better comes along!

Is he the only one taking while you do all the giving?
Check back and see if you have been the one to keep giving. A good relationship is both give and take, and as long as there is sharing between you, you have hope. If he refuses to be selfless and insists on you satisfying his needs while he does nothing to satisfy you, it shows that he is not serious about you.

Is the grass always greener on the other side?
What type of character does he have? Has he always been the type of guy who is never satisfied with what he has? Does the grass on the other side of the fence always seem greener for him? If yes, then you can be sure that he will leave you the moment he sees another woman who seems better!

Does your needs and wellbeing matter to him?
Only a guy who is bothered about your well being is really interested in you. If he is cold, careless, selfish and inconsiderate where you and your needs are concerned, no one need tell you that he is just fooling with you as long as he is getting something out of the relationship. He will not stick to you in times of trouble and will leave the moment he finds someone better!

(Answers to) Fall '10 Survey

If you could choose a mate based on only one criteria, what would it be? *	no such thing as one, people are too complex for one criterion, but I guess compatibility would cover a lot of them in one words
What's something spontaneous that a romantic interest could do to surprise you? *	Go to the lake for a picnic
What's the meanest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you? *	"You don't love me."
What places do you go to, to look for a mate? *	Nowhere specifically to look, but open to finding at any locale
Underwear or "commando"? *	definitely underwear,
What's the lamest way you've ever been dumped (or have dumped someone)? *	just stopped talking to them
Favorite "bedroom boom" song? *	I would imagine it to be Boyz II Men- Uhh Ahh
Knowing that over half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, would you still want to get married? If so, why? *	Yes, It's like a T/F question on a test....sure there's a 50% chance I get it wrong, but if iI don't answer at all I'll definitely get it wrong.
Ask for directions or keep looking on your own? *	use gps
What do you believe motivates a man in terms of interaction with the opposite sex? What about a woman? *	sex and comfort; love and safety