Marriage is Like a Cell Phone Contract (to Men)

Imagine going to a cell phone store-- let’s call it Mobile-X-- and being pitched to. Their premium plan seems reasonable; they have decent phones, apps, and accessories; and the network is strong. “Sign me up, pronto!”

Now imagine that this contract-- dun, dun, dun!-- is for life.

What happens if Mobile-X alters the terms of the contract? What if they make shitty phones that keep breaking? What if the network keeps obliterating your contacts list? What if U-Wireless, a major competitor, offers better terms and-- wait for it-- no long-term contracts? What if you just want to try out other providers (for the fuck of it)?

To be fair, some people are loyal to their providers-- to a fault. I’ve been with Cingular since I bought my first cell phone plan back in 2001, but it’s not really out of any kind of abiding affection. I’m simply “settled” in my relationship with this company, neither loving nor hating it but ultimately susceptible to the aggressive seduction of a titillating campaign by a competitor or anyone offering a cheap month-to-month plan.

[POSTSCRIPT: If you consider yourself a lifetime contract type of girl, quit, quit, quit offering month-to-month. A man will gladly choose the latter option until it becomes inconvenient, at which time he’ll switch to someone else’s M-2-M. A man locked into a contract will at least consider his “early termination fees” before jumping ship.]