Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Strip Clubs

(The following is a re-issue of a post from the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

I am a lot of things.  During this journey, I have realized that I am all over the place.  I am strong.  I am weak.  I am empowered by my sexuality and I am vulnerable, at times. Life is multifaceted and I just try to go with the flow.  This requires me to keep judgment at bay and to accept things as they come.  As much as possible, I avoid judging others and I avoid putting stock in the judgments others pass.  I am at a crossroads right now.

Last night, that crossroad had me thinking about a guy that I just met.  A guy that, if things go a certain way, would want me to stop dating other people.  I talked to him on the phone and thought about what that would mean in my life, as I drove to meet another guy that I had been chatting it up with on FB.  This guy was a friend of a friend.  I met him and he was interesting.  He's not like most of the guys I talk to.  He is all about talking business and he's covered in tattoos.  He was extremely sexy.  I might write about that experience another time.  For now, I will just say that he and I hung out for a while and then I left to meet up with some friends for a birthday gathering.  I met them at a bar that would have cost me twenty dollars to get into, but a gentleman outside was kind enough to pay my entry.  I thanked him and I went to join my friends. 

After about 10 minutes in the club, we decided that the party would move to the strip club.  I had known this is where the night would take us.  The guy who's birthday it was, was the brother of a friend of a friend.  And he was also a dj at a strip club.  Oh how I've missed Houston.  Aside from the fact that I have no problem going to a strip club, I was in Houston and I was out to celebrate the birthday of a guy that I had never met.  Who was I to protest?  Why would I want to?  So, to the strip club we went.  

Upon arriving and walking through the doors, it was just how I remembered it.  It's been a short while since I have been to a strip club, but the feeling never changes.  The looks you get as you cross the floor to find your seat are always the same.  The funny thing about walking into a strip club is that you have a whole different marketability in a strip club than you do in the world.  As a woman that attracts and is attracted to the other sex, you pick up one additional check mark.

In the world, you might have a list of things that make you a great catch: 
  • Funny
  • Smart
  • Pretty
  • Nice Body
  • Motivated
  • Educated
  • Good Career
  • Nice Family
There are many more.  But, when you walk into a strip club, you can possess all of these things.  You can be a beautiful brain surgeon or a political analyst.  If you are an attractive woman, once you are in a strip club, you gain one quality that tops all the others.  

When in a strip club, your number one quality that set you apart becomes:
  • Not a stripper
That's all you need.  A woman in a strip club that is not actually a stripper takes on a whole different mystique.  She has a whole new allure.  I am not totally sure what does it.  Maybe it's the fact that you are attractive?  Maybe it's that you allow them to use more imagination?  Maybe they are curious about why you are there?  Or, maybe it's just that you are free.  But, it is definitely a different sort of attraction.  It's not something you experience every day.  Rarely when you meet someone say at an event or a bookstore, does he throw in "and she's not a stripper" when he describes you to his friends.  It's just not a plus in the regular dating world.  But somehow, it never fails that in a sea of naked women, the one with clothes on can steal the attention, ever so briefly ... Before the men remember that there are asses shaking behind you.  

So, that was my revelation of the evening.  While the world buzzes around me and the future of my dating life hangs in the balance, I am glad that I can still enjoy the simple things in life.  It's nice to know that when home, I can take a time-out to sit back with friends and enjoy the view.  Some things never change.  Happy Holidays.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Death Of My Life As An Online Dater

(The following is a reprint of a post on the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

No.  Not the blog.  That will be around for a while.  I am, however, calling it quits with the online dating.  This might just be temporary.  I am willing to admit that I am fickle.  I make resolutions and break them regularly.  I fall in lust at the drop of a dime and it's gone just as fast.  That's not to say I am not in touch with me or self aware.  I just enjoy the moment.  Sometimes, I enjoy it a little too much.  And, since I like to do enjoyable things, I am going to end my online dating life, for now.  It's just not for me.  As with all things, I really liked it at first.  It was exciting and it was nice to be able to cast a large net, but I think I reached the bottom of the pond.  I think, for the time being, I have met everyone there is to meet online.

When I started my online dating profile, it was like striking gold.  I felt like the pretty girl at the club.  I got hit up by good looking interesting men.  I went on tons of dates.  I had lots of sex.  I formed interesting, exciting relationships.  Then, like a once delicious loaf of bread that has sat on the counter too long, other (not-so-delicious) things started popping up.  You guys have heard some stories. But, we are going to go through it again.  This is going to be a look back at My Online Dating Life: The Good, The Bad, The Rude and The Certifiable.

In the beginning, there were The Beautiful One and Todd.  You remember them, right?  They were both cool at first.  The Beautiful One stayed cool, but Todd slipped into strange.  TBO falls into the category of The Good.  Todd has to go in a mix of The Bad, The Rude and The Certifiable. I don't really know what his story was.  He told me that his parents had never met anyone he dated.  He was turned off that I didn't immediately stop dating other guys and fall madly in love with him, but he was sleeping with other people the whole time we dated.  I don't know.  I never understood that one.  That was the beginning.

Then there was The Player.  God bless him.  He goes in The Good.  He was a one time thing that I occasionally still talk to and he was wonderful.  He was fun.  He was great in bed.  I give him 4 stars.  After The Player, we had The Soldier.  He was okay.  He was nice.  His bedroom skills were nothing to write home about, but he was a good time and he had funny stories.  He goes in The Good.

Then, there was The Powerful One.  He quite possibly falls in The Certifiable.  At the very least, he makes The Rude category.  But, after our night together, I cannot with a clear conscience say he was Bad.  He was great in bed and the conversation was interesting.  After that is when things slipped into The Twilight Zone.  After he shared his misogynist side with me, he was ousted.  He hates the blog or the fact that I write it.  Thinks its abnormal.  I have to agree.  It's out of the norm.  But, my question is, Why keep reading it and telling me your gripes about my lifestyle? If you don't like, don't read it.  That's what put him over the edge for me.

Here's a quick list of The Bad/Rude/Certifiable (I'll let you decide which is which):

  1. The guy that threw his beer can in my lawn, got too drunk to drive and had to camp out on my floor.
  2. The guy that asked if I had a medical condition and that's why I shaved my head.
  3. The guy that put mixed-race and 5'11" on his profile and put a pic that looked nothing like the 5'7" white dude that showed up at my house.
  4. The Repeat Offender - I'm just salty about that one. 
  5. The guy that came over and talked about the Illuminati and celebrity conspiracies all night.
  6. The guy that messaged me and knew about the blog and other personal things that were mentioned no where in my online dating profile... Remember him? He was the one that said I possessed "sexual agency." We'll call him The Stalker. Needless to say, I never met The Stalker. 
  7. The guy that drove two hours to sleep for two hours, freak out and pace in my room for an hour and then drive two hours back home. 
  8. The guy with the handle "Orgasmtime."
Then there is the guy that goes to school near me.  He is good.  We had sex once and we talk occasionally.  He's 28 or 29, but he reminds me of a guy that is used to dating much younger women.  His communication is a bit off and he seems to need more than he can give.  But, he's nice. He's far from bad or certifiable and he's never been rude to me.  

There's also the guy that asked me to spit in his mouth.  I am not sure where I would categorize this guy. He was mad cool aside from this one odd request in the heat of a passionate moment.  I mean, it's enough to really throw you, but I can roll with the punches.  I just don't think I want to investigate where that may lead.  I am not really one for walking into a possible ass-to-mouth request. (I stole this from my homeboy that told me another visit from this guy and I was on the road to Ass-to-mouth.)  I like to explore sex, but I am all for leaving hard-core fetish porn on the internet and not bringing it into my bed.  

Finally, we come to the close.  This is where I leave my online dating life.  The only two guys that I am currently talking to, Marlon and James, are my best finds yet.  They are both still in my life, but should they go, I am sure it will be in a fashion that leaves me with good feelings for them.  Unilke The Beautiful One, both of these guys care about me.  I will never be in love with or IN relationships with either of them, but the relationships I have with each of them are quite wonderful right now.  But, two out of a million is not reason enough for me to continue my online dating life, so with this post, I am pressing delete on my two profiles.  Msjehn30 is no more.  Now, it's just Jehn.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


(The following is a reprint of a post on the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

So, Marlon is the guy I write about being smitten with.  Best sex ever and all that jazz.  But, he's also kind of a genius and pretty witty.   He and I are very like-minded and he frequently says things that take me to my note pad.  This is just one of the brilliant revelations to which Marlon has brought me.  I suppose I knew it all along, but I just hadn't thought to apply it to my life.  I guess I frequently do that.

I started this blog in the summer.  As I have said, I didn't date for two years.  My sexuality and I were calm and dormant in an attempt to heal and replenish.  Then, something happened.  Last spring, I became restless.  I felt like a bear coming out of hibernation.  Something in me awoke and I was ready to move forward.  It had been a long time and I needed to experience something new.

So, I immediately started planning for summer.  This would be the summer.  I was going to get back out there.  I had no idea what that meant, but I was going to date.  I was going to date and I was going to have sex.  So, I wrapped up the semester and I booked a train trip to see the country.  My sexuality wasn't the only thing waking up.  I felt alive and I wanted to travel and take pictures and write.  But, I wanted to do it alone.  Then, I wanted to descend upon Houston revived, eyes open and ready to get laid.  It didn't take quite that long.  I had sex on the train, somewhere between Chicago and Texas.

As the summer progressed, I found my sexuality growing and flourishing.  I was happy dating and meeting new people.  Nothing could contain me.  I was the life of the party and I wanted to spend every day with a new person.  I fell in love with everyone and I dated.  All things were beautiful and life was good.

Then, came the fall.  The leaves started to turn and I started to long for someone to talk to.  I thought it was just leaving Houston and missing Lewis.  But, I stayed in and started having thoughts of romance.  My party had turned into a quiet stroll.  I was still meeting people, but not as frequently.  I was quick to blame New England for the lull, but the truth was, I didn't have the motivation to try.  The green grass was turning brown and the leaves were falling.

As winter approaches, I feel myself wishing that I had someone to spend the long, cold nights with.  Going out and meeting people is far from my mind.  I want to bundle up in bed and watch a movie in someone's arms.  If I go into town to go to dinner, I want to stroll slowly with an arm around me to keep me warm.  At first, this scared the shit out of me.  I started worrying that I was going to start wanting a partner more and more and that before I knew it I would be desperately searching for a mate or changing my online dating profile to "Actively seeking a relationship."  How could this be?  How could Poly Amory so quickly go from fun time free spirit to actively seeking a relationship.  I took a deep breath and just held tight.  There had to be a good explanation.

Then, one day, Marlon and I were talking and he stumbled upon a topic that made my heart sing.  He said that he wished he could have a partner that he could settle in with in the winter and would be understanding enough to allow for a spreading of the wings when spring and summer came.  It made so much sense.  This is what I need!  I need to find someone that can hold my hand in the fall and watch movies with me in the winter.  They can stay around during spring and summer, but they can't try to hold me back.

We don't really have seasons in Houston, so I had never thought to compare my dating cycle to them.  But this analogy was brilliant and it was spot on.  This is what I have been going through.  I suppose my situation is more precarious than the normal situation, since I will be moving back to Houston in May.  But that might be perfect.  I just need a winter coat.  I need a temporary boyfriend.  He just needs to be devoid of attachment and jealousy, but full of warmth, compassion and understanding.  Does Okcupid have an "actively seeking a temporary boyfriend stand-in to offer warmth and emotional support for my winter hibernation period" option in their drop-down menu?

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Want to Be Wanted

(The following is a reprint of an article on the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

James asked me a good question on our date.  He asked if there are guys that want to be "The One."  Are there guys that want to conquer or tame me.  It was actually something I had been thinking about a lot lately.  My mind had been asking the same question in different forms: "Why do men (that don't want you) want you to want them?"

When I initially posed this question to myself, it wasn't so clear.  It was muddled with specifics.  Men were giving me lines and asking if I wanted more from them faster than I could process any of it.  I was spinning around wondering why having an interest in seeing someone more than once meant that you wanted a relationship and why so many guys refused to believe me when I said I did not want to be monogamous.  Are people really such commitment-phobes that the shear possibility that someone wants to see them more than once sends them running for the hills?  Or, are they too afraid to admit that, occasionally, they just want a single serving sexual encounter?

If the former is the case, that's absurd.  You should be able to enjoy a persons company more than once without falling into a relationship.  And, everyone controls their own relationship status.  You can't be coaxed, coerced or forced into anything you don't want.  If you want to be single, just be honest and if the person says they want the same thing, then it's on them if they change their mind and step out on a limb to see if you might have had a change of heart.  And, if you haven't, all is fair in love and war.  It doesn't make you the bad guy to say that you haven't changed your mind.  Being ready for a relationship is a very personal thing.  If you don't want one, you just don't want one.  If you aren't ready, you aren't ready.  And, if you just don't want one with that particular person, that is okay too.  I don't mind hearing that a man doesn't want a relationship or monogamy.  I just wish they would believe me when I tell them the same thing.

If the latter is the case, this is bullshit too.  Sometimes I just want to hit and quit.  So, I either tell the guy, or I stop returning texts and phone calls.  I do it immediately after the encounter.  They just don't hear from me again.  If they ask if I want to chill again, I say no.  It's not nice.  It's not sugar coated.  But, it's honest.  I might tell them that I am sure they are great, but I am not interested. The rejection might be tough, but everyone isn't right for everyone.  I don't always want to see a guy again after the first date or after we have hooked up.  It's just the way things are.  So, I don't mind if a guy tells me that he just wanted to hook up or that he didn't really dig me.

However, this is generally not the case.  Men will continue to text you and say "Wassup" every now and then, knowing good and well they aren't trying to see you again.  Why is this?   Maybe they are just being nice, but I see this as a waste of time and energy.  We are dating here.  Rejection is part of it.  If you don't get rejected and you don't ever reject anyone, then no one is special.  You find yourself floating in a pool of mediocrity.  So, I have no problem telling a man that I am not interested.  If he keeps texting, I will ignore him.  We don't have to be friends after one date.  I don't think it's nice to keep a guy thinking I am interested in seeing him again if I have no interest.

There is one other possibility that just occurred to me.  The Reserves List.  A guy might keep talking to you just in case he needs to call on you in a pinch at a later date.  This is kind of a cop out, but it is valid. The thing is, I have a reserve list too.  The trouble with this list is that it requires impeccable timing, a prearrangement or one party has to be a bit more desperate.  Impeccable timing: One party hits the other up and it just so happens to be a time when the other person is in need of a quick fix, as well.  Desperation: One party has been waiting on reserve for that call.  This is a lopsided situation.  Prearrangement is just that.  You have both agreed to be "on-call" for the other in times of need.

Then there is the final possibility.  Everyone wants to be wanted.  We all want someone to pine for us.  We want to feel cherished and adored.  Some are even willing to accept such adoration from someone they don't particularly want to be with.  So, some people keep you on a string even though they don't want you.  They just want you to want them.  If they do want to spend time with you, then they want you to want them and want time with them a little more than they want it with you and some want you to fall in love with them, knowing good and well, they won't be falling in love with you.

So again, I end with the one golden rule that I have been screaming since jump street.  Honesty is the best policy.  If you want it, give it.  If a person isn't being honest about what they want, that's their bad.  But don't think a possibility of dishonesty gives you the right to a preemptive lie.  If everyone keeps trying to beat each other to the lie, then honesty is lost.  If I tell you I liked you and want to see you again, but I don't want a boyfriend, just believe me.  I promise I don't have a boyfriend dungeon I am waiting to toss you into.  I just liked your company.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Friday, December 10, 2010

How to Use Body Language to Your Advantage When Dating

(The following is a reprint of an article on

This is the language where you don't need any words. Women have been doing it for hundreds of years to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man and sending the get lost signal to the wrong man.

Eyeing Up the Prize

The more eye contact you establish with the target the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself. This will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you -- a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare and flash a smile.
If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don't look back at him again. While having a conversation, looking at the ceiling and around the room also shows a definite lack of interest.

First Impressions Count

You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor and he doesn't give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren't dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best. You never know. You just might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.

The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)

Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you're open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the brave, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the "accidental touch" when reaching for the salt.
Hands jammed in pockets, cleaning eyeglasses or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Finger tapping, drumming, pointing or wagging are also signals to move on.

Stand Out

Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you're conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. Also, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.
Crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.

A Few Extra Tips

Hopefully by now you have an attack plan for when it's time to get down and dirty, or when it's best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:
  • You'll know things are going really well when you begin "mirroring" one another's body language and gestures.
  • Don't tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through with. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.
  • Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standingfor the body language game.
  • If you try your hand at it, and he's not responding, abort the mission immediately.
  • Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.

And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, "Looking for Love."

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I Am Not Ready to Love

(The following is a reprint of a post from the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

As promised, I am going to explain why I am not ready to love and per request, I am also going to explain why I have nothing to offer a relationship.

First and foremost, I will start by telling you something very personal.  I lost a sister almost exactly a year ago.  It was sudden and it was traumatic.  Grieving the death of a sibling is gut wrenching and it pretty much takes you over.  In my lowest moments, while crying on the floor, in a ball, alone, I wish I had someone to hold me.  I wish I had someone to hold my hand and just be there.  But, being far away from home, I have done most of my grieving alone.  I don't suggest this.  This is the one thing I have done alone because there was no other choice.  This was not the choice I made.

That having been said, I am not ready to be in a relationship, because I am sad.  Some days I am a joy to be around and some days I am just sad.  While I could use someone to hold my hand on those days when I am sad, I do not know what I can give back yet.  I am still closed off and emotionally scarred from my last relationship and the grief piled on top does not help.

I am not the person I want to bring into a relationship.  A year ago, maybe even six months ago, I would have jumped into another relationship head first.  It would have been the easy thing to do at the time and it would have bitten me in the ass in the long run.  It always has.  So, I decided to take a break.  Then I decided to continue with my relationship break, but add men back into the picture.  So, I started dating.  I can date.  I can barely date.  I find myself wanting more of an emotional attachment from men that I start off just having sex with.  (Not all of them, mind you.)  But, some of the men I date, I look for a friendship from.

Some offer friendship readily. We'll call this type "Guy A."  Some are just like that.  Others want nothing to do with friendship.  This is "Guy B."  They are just there for the sex, and you know that from day one.  Then, there are those that want to keep having sex with you, want to talk to you about their relationship woes or their lives, but the moment you are in need, they are short with you and they flee, as soon as possible.  This gem is "Guy C."  There are also variations of all three and midpoints between each.  I am just now figuring this out, but I am always on guard and wondering when Guy A is going to turn into Guy C.

So, I keep my guard up. As I have said, I have trust issues.  In a conversation with Marlon last night, he mentioned that I noted that I have trust issues.  He made a sarcastic joke about not noticing.  But, it is true.  I have put him through the ringer.  I think he is a nice guy.  But, even typing the words, I feel like a sucker.  If he feels like he is having to prove himself to me just as a lover and friend, can you imagine what I will put a prospective partner through?

I am a nice person and I don't want to do that to a man.  So, I won't let myself fall for one.  I will just keep my guard up until I have had some time to heal.  Or, until a man comes along and we can walk through trust together.  This guy doesn't necessarily have to be a boyfriend, just a kind hearted and patient soul.  But, until one of those things happens, I will be single and I am perfectly happy with that ... most of the time.

The reason I am not ready to love is pretty much the same.  I can't let my guard down and I can't get close to anyone in that way again for a while.  My last relationship was 6 years and that is a long time to be with one person.  If I were younger, I would allow myself to fall for Marlon.  He doesn't want a relationship either, but that wouldn't have mattered.  I would have had fun being smitten with him regardless of how he felt.  I don't really do that anymore ... or at least I'm not doing it right now.  I'm just playing everything safe.  While it's not as much fun to play it safe, my emotions aren't up for any roller coasters right now.  So, I will sit here, with my feet firmly planted, waiting for this Guy A to jump to Guy C, at which point, I will turn and walk away with my head held high.  There will be no need to pick myself up, because I won't allow myself to fall.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Lessons from a Tramp

(The following is a reprint of a post on the blog

Why does it happen that when you’re dating someone, you stop going on dates?

My roommate recently commented that she is the one asking her boyfriend to go on dates, not the other way around.  And when she does, she ends up planning most of it.

I understand that there is a certain spark lost after couples have been dating for awhile, but I also think it is important to make balance a priority.  Those little dates, although they may seem unnecessary, keep the flame alive.

My advice to women looking to go out on these dates is to be as original as possible. Look for local dinner and a movie deals, do free things like attending museums. Not everything has to revolve around a $30 steak.
Sometimes it’s hard to find the time to make these dates happen, but everyday things can be romantic too.

Take a lesson from the Tramp–he managed to turn a makeshift dinner in an alley into an epic moment.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

(Answers to) Fall '10 Survey #8

If you had to choose a mate based on only one criteria, what would it be?
I'm torn between sex and intelligence
What's something spontaneous that a romantic interest could do to surprise you?
Buy me something kinky and new to use in the bedroom!
What's the meanest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you?
I'm sorry, you deserve better, I just wanted to have sex with you!
What places do you go to, to look for a mate?
Don't go anywhere "looking"!
Underwear or "commando"? 
commando, especially in the summer (wink)
What's the lamest way you've ever been dumped (or have dumped someone)?
refusing to answer phone or text
Favorite "bedroom boom" song?
Slowly by Tank
Knowing that over half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, would you still want to get married? If so, why?
Hell yea, marriage is exactly what you make it!
Ask for directions or keep looking on your own?
Looking on my own, all roads lead home!
What do you believe motivates a man in terms of interaction with the opposite sex? What about a woman?
Sex for men, intimacy and companionship for women

Thursday, December 2, 2010

My Week Of Online Dating/Mishaps/What the Fu.....

(The following is a reprint of a post from the blog My Life As A Serial Dater.)

Okay, so apparently the online dating gods want to make sure I have good material to keep my readership up, because the insanity keeps pouring in daily.  So I got a new message in my "prospective date" turned "probably not" inbox.  Apparently the pond got polluted, because while their are plenty of fish, most of them are nuts.  I don't mean to say this guy is nuts... But, his message had me looking over my shoulder.

I need some opinions on this one, people.

The Message:

Title - "Nice Blog (: You possess sexual agency

Body -

"Hi, I read your blog before, and I am impressed with your ability to garner agency in your sex life.  I have some pics to share, and I travel and stay not that far from you.  I possess the intellectual ability to converse on many level(s).  You will enjoy my company very much(:  Send me an email address and I'll send you pic(s) of me from head to toe(: TTYL, C."

Not so super strange on the surface, right?  Well, here are the details that made me say "What tha ..."

A.  There is no direct link between this blog and my online dating profile.  The link to the blog isn't on my profile.

B.  My real name is only in two posts here on the blog and it's shortened on the profile.

C.  Dude lives in Cleveland, OH.  So, I didn't just turn up on a random search.

So, either he reads the blog and he decided to search for my profile or he stumbled upon me and recognized my pic.  And, since he reads the blog, he's probably going to read this post.  Dave Chappelle was right.  The internet is a creepy place.

*Hopefully my friends are just playing another prank on me... remember the late night phone masturbator.  Good stuff.  I'm just going to hope this is one of them ...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What Women Should Know When Dating

(The following is a reprint of an article on

Even the most confident women experience anxiety attacks when they go out on a date…what more to those who are not so confident about themselves? If a woman decided to go on date—especially with the man she is interested with—there should be no space for self-doubt. Although being rejected can be a horrifying thought,women can never go wrong if they follow the simple rules on dating.

If you are up on a date, the first thing to consider is how to make the date itself enjoyable for the both of you. If he suggests something you cannot comfortable with, then offer him other alternatives. There’s no good in going on a date that you cannot enjoy yourself.

If you are too nervous and you think you’re not one of those women that are good conversationalists, make up for it by suggesting an activity that would keep you both preoccupied. This would take the pressure off on both parties and may lead to a more fluid conversation. (Tip: try to stay in tune with current events so the man will discover you’re not only pretty but smart as well.)

After breaking the ice, keep yourself in check. Make sure that you don’t go overboard by making nasty comments or by getting “too close” because this will turn him off. If you want to get a man’s attention, pay a lot more attention to him by listening to him rather than you talking.

Before leaving your house for a date, make sure that you leave your emotional baggage behind. Being emotional on a date over something will make a man feel you don’t need a lover but a psychologist or therapist.

Here are additional general rules on dating:

1. Always be gorgeous, decent, or at least presentable whatever your income is. Gorgeous women are one of the men’s guilty pleasures. Looking your best with that gorgeous hair, fancy clothes, and make-up can make you a head-turner anywhere.

2. Be discreet and mysterious. Especially on first dates, giving out too much pieces of information that are unnecessary will only turn him off. Remember, mysterious and enigmatic women stay on men’s minds compared to those who are not.

3. Know when less is more. Dates don’t have to take so much time as long as you keep the man interested. Lesser time might even pave the way for the second, third or fourth date because he would think that you need more time to know each other.

4. Keep that figure in check. Slim or fit women appeals to most men because it gives the impression that these women know how to take care of themselves. Taking a time off to workout in a fitness center or gym can be your investment in looking for your dream guy.

5. Time check. Remember, first impressions last that’s why you have to make sure that you are on time when you go out on a date.

6. Be interesting and interested. Although your date did not turn out to be your “dream guy,” be lady enough to stick until the end by keeping your sense of humor.

7. Even if you believe in gender equality, let the man pay the bills.