Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Beware (or Be Aware of) the Specialist

While the average woman in her twenties and thirties spends her time trying to be a man’s everything (in theory, at least), there is a type of female who excels at being a man’s one special thing.

This woman can exist independently but usually does so as a supplement to your romantic relationship. She’s a specialist-- her "job" being to shore up your weaknesses in any given area. Your boyfriend or husband won’t run away with this woman and that’s fine by both of them. He just needs something specific from her… special:

Special oral (because yours is either non-existent or like a peeling a carrot [and she swallows])
Special sex (because she may be more flexible than you, and down to get choked)
Special ears (because you don’t hear as well as you talk, talk, talk)
Special slutty outfits (because you only wear yours on Valentine’s Day and Halloween)
Special interests (because we accepted that you weren’t a football fan… but not so much)
Special Scarface trivia knowledge (because you don’t laugh when we say, ‘Chi Chi, get the yayo.’)
Special ‘nothing-at-all’ (because some girls have mastered the art of just being around, minus the talking or excessive affection)

I could go on but you get the gist: For everything you don’t do there’s a woman who does only that thing… extremely well. Not saying you should try to outdo said specialist (you can’t), but the more your man can get in-house the less likely he is to outsource.

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