[Author’s Note: Not all gay men are like the ones I’m about to describe-- just the ones who hang out at clubs where they have to put signs in the restroom that warn “No Drugs and No Sex in the Stalls.”]
Straight men secretly envy gay men, but I’m not talking about hygiene or fashion sense or being admitted as a fly on the wall during girl talk.
A man is almost always down for sex, be it on the first date or at the end of that six-week drought after she’s had the baby. What stands in his way? The very thing he craves-- women. Women have consequences to consider, feelings to reckon with (such things have no place in Grown-Ass-Man Land). Even when a woman agrees to sex from jump it’s usually a misguided attempt to boost her self-esteem. Most ladies will hide the cookies until they perceive an investment on a man’s part.
Meanwhile, he endures the horror of chronic dry dick.
Gay men seeking “business casual” don’t have to contend with such obstacles. Testosterone is the sex hormone, and even the biggest pink-‘n-glitter sissy has it coursing through him-- as do his potential hook-ups*. If one gay man meets another in the club and they hit it off, it’s only a problem of how to make it happen ASAP-pronto.
Straight men want this “gay” sex but have to resort to subterfuge, false flattery, and out-of-pocket expenses to achieve the same result with women; even then success is not assured. If sex-- the “soon and very soon” kind-- was guaranteed in a man’s mind he probably wouldn’t force the issue with females he met at the club, online, at the gym, during a funeral (no one who'll be missed), etc. Instead it’s a Jay-Z mentality: on to the next one.
We hetero men want what the homos have, that unabated path to love and sex and magic (but mostly sex); alas, it’s the other way. We have to pretend to be fascinated by silly chatter, awed by unflattering outfits, amused by girlfriends who cock-block us, okay with charging fruity drinks to our credit cards, and willing to accept “Call me, we’ll go out!” in lieu of actual coitus.
*White people long ago snatched up this term to use as a catch-all for sexless foreplay, but its original meaning—sex, quick and goofy—applies here.
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