Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Spank Bank

Ever seen a man in public looking at you for longer than is socially appropriate? Relax, he’ll be done in a moment-- taking it all in, that is. He’s “downloading” you into a part of the male brain we refer to as the spank bank.

The spank bank is a reservoir of masturbatory fantasies filled with women we may or may not have slept with. For example, we can take a chick we saw at Wing Stop and plug her into an actual episode with an ex-girlfriend, thus creating a virtual ménage à trois.

So what are we doing specifically with your avatar(t)? Anything our minds-- and porn-- can imagine!

Don’t find the man in front of you sexy enough to give him the digits? No matter. He’s already got you… [tapping my forehead] up here. He’ll tag team you with Palmela again and again like a wrestling duo.

If you have a boyfriend or husband then don’t even worry about it. He spends his days depositing girl after girl into his spank bank. It’s not just for when he’s flying solo. If he’s grown bored humping you he can just replace your face with the smile from the mall kiosk, the body from the strip club or the legs from that catalog (yeah, it’s that serious). Remember that bird you caught him watching the other day? She’ll be in your bedroom-- tonight.

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