Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Ninja Creep (A Buy Now! Tactic)

Let’s just cut to it: no man asks to bring a DVD over to your place to watch it with you unless he’s trying to get sex. If it were up to him you’d be out of your bra and panties before the previews ended. If he comes by early in the night he’ll bring two movies; if later, just one. They’ll be his favorite titles, ones he’s watched so many times he knows the character’s lines by heart. This is so he can zone out, staring at you out of his periphery and fantasizing about which position he's going to put you in first.

It helps him significantly if you’re sleepy-- or drunk-- because that’s when the magic will happen. The two of you will fall asleep on the bed, couch, or floor. Then he’ll make his move, spooning behind you and feeling you up. If you respond favorably then it’s on like Donkey Kong. If you turn to him and ask “What the hell are you doing?” he can just be like, “My bad, I was having a dream.”

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