Because Nicholas Sparks' Movies Suck Ass

"You catching today?  I'm in a pitching mood."

Movie night can either be heaven or hell.  Not for you, for us-- you're going to watch some shit you like.  But next time you're deciding what to watch with your dude-- or maybe he's just your F-Buddy and he's obligated to sit through at least one flick before crushing-- you'd do well to suggest The Shawshank Redemption.

In case you haven't seen it, it's the story of a man wrongly convicted of killing his wife and her lover and sentenced to life in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.  No bullshit here: he literally gets pounded in the ass (it's not explicitly shown so relax).  But he also befriends a magical Negro named Red.  Theirs becomes a story of friendship, love, stamina and transcendence-- minus the anal hijinks of Brokeback Mountain.

It is the quintessential guy flick and, according to men's mags such as FHM and Maxim, the only movie during which a man may weep openly (besides Old Yeller).

You'll like it, too.  It takes those slumber party themes that get dead horse beaten in movies such as Dear John and performance enhances them for a more mature and savvy viewing couple.  And from now on, when you're stuck at a party, wedding or company mixer you were obligated to attend-- getting bored to death by the other guests and the Kenny G cover band-- you'll have only to lean into each other and whisper, "Zihuatanejo."