A Portrait of the Asshole as a Young Man 10

On loan from Ripley's Believe It or Not!

I like a big ass.  Not sure if it's because I'm a black man or what.  Don't really care.  I LIKE BIG BUTTS (no Mix-a-Lot jokes, please).

To be sure, when I say I like ass I'm referring to something like the picture to the left (don't care if it's real or fake; my wang doesn't know the difference).

There are a lot of women out there who think they have a big ass but when they turn sideways... not so much.  This usually means they have wide hips; that doesn't count with me.

A perfect onion is the thing, nothing short.  A lot of white girls, for example, will be rounded on top/flat on the bottom or round on the bottom/flat on the top.  Either way is playing with my emotions.

Ass dimples are actually quite okay with me.  I've watched so much porn and been to the strip club so many times that hail damage, to me, almost seems conventional.

Breasts, you ask?  Don't need them, really.  I mean, do have two nipples.  That's all most men focus on anyway.  (Ladies, when was the last time a man paid attention to your whole breast?)  Truth be told, a woman could resemble a prepubescent boy in the chest... so long as that donk is there!