Monday, August 9, 2010
No Strings Attached
I didn't truly understand the phenomenon until I was confronted by a woman about my own behavior. We'd done it a few times and it was good but I felt weird when she started texting me on a regular basis. After that I saw her in a public place -- and avoided her.
She later informed me that I didn't have anything to worry about, that she wasn't trying to tie me down or put me in the pocket. This put me at ease because I didn't want to be tied down; there were so many other women out there for me! (I was younger and dumber, but not totally wrong.)
Anyway, I realized at this point the usual difference between a woman's no-strings-attached and a man's no-strings-attached.
If a woman who isn't interested in a relationship nonetheless finds a man who's good-looking, stable, witty, fun to be around, intelligent, good in bed, etc., her attitude is, "Stop right here. Don't be risky with a bunch of other guys. This one's got it all -- or almost. I still don't want a boyfriend but..." So despite the fact that repetition of activity with a man and the monopolization of his time are two pillars of a relationship, all she claims to want to do is hang out.
The man, on the other hand, has a different attitude: "Wow, if this girl wants me just think of how many other girls might want in on this!" Seeing you as already serviced, he starts looking for greener pastures. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you or doesn't want to hang out with you; it's just ... well, no-strings means no-strings. Anything that even smacks of a relationship -- like your wanting to hang out at the farmer's market all day instead of fucking -- will cause him to do something silly like go M.I.A. on you for a month.
It's really an issue of quality versus quantity. Some of you try to make us feel bad about wanting the quantity, but it's kind of how we're wired. The fact that you're good-looking, stable, witty, fun to be around, intelligent, good in bed, etc. doesn't hold as much currency with us; it just confirms in our own minds that we can bag the best (Hemingway had that bad).