Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Portrait of the Asshole as a Young Man 20

Ole "Amistad" lookin' ass...
This is the pic that launched a thousand ambiguous inbox messages.

Admittedly, I work hard in the gym and I want people to see as much.  I'm not one of those people who can eat burritos after ten and still wake up with a six pack.  It takes effort.  That said, I appreciate the love and the lust that comes my way via Facebook.

But only from the women.

There's this gray area in my inbox where I receive the strangest (moistest) messages from other dudes.  Thing is, I never know where it's going until I respond to the first random volley -- something like "Sup, man.  Damn, you really work out hard."  Okay, no big deal; response: "Thanks, bro."  A majority of the men who inbox me ask for legitimate advice -- they want their abs to show or their chest to pop -- but there are some who take it a bit too far.

"Maybe we should work out together."

What?  We don't even live near each other, dude.  Pause.

This type of thing happens every other week.  Some dude hits me up with a series of zesty FB messages filled with innuendos and heavy-handed attempts to investigate my private life.  So while I may not know what it is to be a woman I do know what it is to be approached by sketchy men.

I have a gay friend from college who now lives in Chicago.  When he first came out, me and few others from the crew -- being the progressives we were -- agreed to "chaperone" his first forays into Oak Lawn, Dallas' version of The Castro in San Francisco.  Never had I felt so uncomfortable, not because I was in the midst of gay men but because some of them were coming at me the way straight men come at women.  Crazy stares, up-and-down eye scans, elbow grabbing, whistles and calls of "Where your man at?  You can't have friends?!?"

That was years ago but the feeling came back when I start receiving these messages on Facebook.  I can only imagine that an attractive woman's FB account is close to crashing from all the unsolicited "love" by men who want nothing more than to taste ... then tell.

But the pic stays up!  Why?  Because for every whacked-out message from a Chester there are two or three more from attractive women seeking friendship, or something like that.

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