Wednesday, August 18, 2010
A Portrait of the Asshole as a Young Man 19
Certain facts (in no discernible order):
I co-own and co-manage a small media production company.
I take really long showers.
I'm horrible with names but I (almost) never forget a face.
I hate talking on the phone and do it as little as humanly possible.
I'm not a boob man... but I like to stare at boobs.
I like my sistas dark-skinned. I like my white girls with dark features (unless she's a redhead).
I like to do activities most people consider social -- going to the movies, for example -- all by myself.
I know how to swim but have a deathly fear of drowning.
My first meal of the day is always oatmeal.
I have the same birthday as Saddam Hussein (April 28).
I have no tattoos.
I plan to write a book from this blog starting Valentine's Day 2011.
Cheese doodles are my weakness.
I hate Tyler Perry more than the Nazis.
Milk doesn't agree with me.
I do an impression of Frederick Douglass that is, I think, a bit more authentic.
My mother reads this blog.
So do my "sisters," a collection of young women who, while acknowledging that I'm an asshole, provide me with as much love and encouragement as an only male child can stand.
I get a pedicure at least once a month.
I've kept the ticket stub for every movie I've seen since I was fifteen.
A wig by itself is creepy to me.
I get lost very easily.
There are things I love more than women -- but not many.
I don't have kids or want them, but there is a little boy who is like a son to me.
I know how men really think.