Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

He Shouldn't Have Gone to Jared's

A woman's Lombardi Trophy
You don't need that big rock.  How about something from the bottom of a Crackerjack box instead?

I say this because given the statistics on divorce in America, the U.K. and other developed nations, handing you a Hulked-out diamond ring-- conflict-free, of course-- would be akin to dumping several months' salary into a wishing well.  ("Three Coins in the Fountain," anyone?)

I can see your husband buying championship rings for you after a milestone or two, often in lieu of a shitty present he will have actually put some thought into ("I thought you liked cats!").  Buying you the rock of Gibraltar off top only gives you something to brag about pompously-- which is wack-- and rewards you for something you haven't even done yet-- being married, that is.

The ring is just one way of extending the show beyond The Show.  Everyone can't be there at your wedding to bow before your fabulousness (although it wasn't for lack of trying on your and the wedding planner's part) so you need a symbol of married value to literally put in their faces.

And if the stones turn out to be more diamond that diamonique, you already have on your finger one asset you can quickly liquidate in the event that what God has brought together is indeed been put asunder.

I think a band of gold-- with a reasonable diamond, of course-- should be the starter for a starter marriage.  Saving money on the ring, and cutting some corners on the wedding/honeymoon agenda, will leave us the dough we need to do something really special, something that will make us both very happy: put a down payment on a fucking house!  Because all these kids you want, they can't live inside an invisible setting.

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