Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Saturday, May 8, 2010

"I Have to Get Up Early," and Other Post-Coital Lies

Wow!  That was great... but...

It's an uncouth man indeed who gets right up and leaves (unless he's been told to) or pushes a woman out his door after sex.  Real men come up with semi-lame yet totally plausible excuses; the sharpest of us can do it au pied levé.

"I have to get up really early in the morning."  Don't we always?

"There's this volunteer thing I have to do tomorrow."  Mentally challenged kids, so you can't challenge it; no, you can't participate.

"Damn, I forgot to let the dog out."  We don't have a dog.

"My mom's supposed to be visiting this morning, and she's always early."  She's never on time!

"Just got a text.  _______'s in jail and I gotta go help bail him out."  This actually happened a month ago.

"I have this back condition and I need the whole bed to-- what?  No, a massage wouldn't help any.  Thanks, though!  See ya."  When we turn down a massage (especially a frontal), you know we're serious.

"I don't want your roommate to see me.  I'm a very private man."  On the contrary, we love to advertise in front of her.  She could be our next "contestant."

"I think I'm allergic to your perfume.  I wanted to say something before but....  Yeah, I know, right?  I gotta wash these sheets and pillowcases after you leave."  This might be true.

"I snore like a motherfucker."  [Followed by raucous snoring if she doesn't take the cheese.]

"I have to sleep in my own bed.  What?  Sorry, it's just twin-sized."  We'll appear lame but so what?  That's a worry for guys who haven't scored yet.

"What?  No, I can't stay.  I have to publish the next post ASAP or the New Shoes fans will kill me!"  How did this one get in here?  LOL

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