Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Monday, May 10, 2010

If He's So Great, Why is He Still Single?

Something you hear mostly from the thirty-something and up crowd.

It's typically a conversation between two women, one of whom is trying to hook the other one up with a "blind."

"He's got a good job, lots of money.  Has his own house, no kids.  Volunteers with a foundation..."

"All that, huh?  So what's the deal?  Why's he still single?"

Because he's a serial killer.  Or a spy.  Or he's pathologically incapable of putting the toilet seat down.  Are you looking for an excuse to not even try?  Or maybe you want to be as unimpressed as possible so as not to get your hopes up.  I can see that; he's probably doing the same thing to you in his head.

They often say that women, like a fine wine, improve with age, but it's actually men who benefit from time and tide.  Thirty-five is a man's earning prime, his last youthful milestone before middle age and the point at which the testosterone decline he's been experiencing since twenty-five actually produces notable changes in his behavior.  Far less risk taking.  Far more forward planning.  Wondering how much college will cost for a kid in 20_ _, even though he doesn't have any!

He won't be as exciting and bombastic as a man ten years his junior, because he's not supposed to be.  If you're the same age-- or if you're the type of girl who's always preferred "grown ass men"-- you shouldn't be interested in young Stefan, the yoga-by-day/rock band frontman-by-night, anyway.  This single man has probably chosen to remain single, save for the occasional dalliance, so he could stabilize his life before trying to complicate it by adding you to the mix.

Yeah, he could be a douchebag in square's clothing, but you won't know if you don't show.  Suck it up and save the date... and the last dance (joking!).

(Postscript: Make sure he's not waiting for the right man instead.)

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