On Co-Signers

I'm never sure how to feel about this certain type of fella.

Brown-nosing, I thought, ended in high school; yet, there is a class of men who seem to think that crowning women no matter what-- and often at the expense of their brethren-- is the key to success.

FAIL.

For example, I've seen on Facebook statuses where a woman attempted to make some blacket statement about how lame, immature or irresponsible grown men are.  Even if she's rebutted by several men and women offering evidence to the contrary, all it takes is one dude, a co-signer, agreeing with her to make the argument valid.

"You're right, ______.  Many of us are not stepping up and acting like real men.  I just try to be about my business and take care of my responsibilities.  Can't speak for those others."

Except that you just did.  Get the fuck outta here!

I've always been willing to admit that not every man is completely selfish and pussy-crazed, that a small minority are actually interested in the same things you women are, but I have to tell you it's probably not these guys.  Many of them are former skirt chasers who "turned in my player card" and now find themselves in retirement (see Brett Favre).  No longer able to define their worth by sexual conquest, they now seek to be desired by women as a paradigm of male virtue and discipline-- a trained poodle.  Crowning you in turn allows them to be crowned, to feel like anything but a sucker in their new lives as married men.

And single men?  7-Up onced marketed themselves as "the Un-Cola."  Sometimes it's better to be the man apart, and single male co-signers know this.  They attempt to separate themselves in the minds of women-- especially a woman they may be interested in-- because playing at being an asshole is difficult if one lacks the ingredients.  This type is likely to achieve more success with the nice guy/ gay homeboy status routine as women age and grow weary from the jerks, bad boys and borderline sociopaths they clung to in their prime.

But being a friend to a woman doesn't have to make a man a co-signer.  I go out of my way not to make grandiose statements about my female friends' husbands, boyfriends or current objects of desire no matter what they tell me.  For one thing, there are two sides to every story.  And for another, I really don't give a shit which way they move.  If they ask for my advice it's always the same: "A man will be what he'll be, so you can stay or you can go-- so long as you can live with either."

See how easy that was?  And I didn't have sell anybody out.