On Scalawags

"Tit"illation

 Men love scalawags for the same reason landscapers love immigrant laborers: they put in heavy work for minimum compensation, don't talk too much, and know when to clock out and go home.

These "scandalous whores" you decent women vilify aren't so unlike you.  They too see the greatness and future potential in your man and wish to make love to a true comer (no pun intended).  They too wish to be smiled upon, caressed... savored like a Death Row cigarette.

Scalawags, to be sure, are the scavenging birds of the female gender.  They wait until your relationship becomes sick or lame and begin circling.  (Vultures have been known to feast on animals before they're even stone dead!)

For the man in need of "new shoes" or some strange ass on the side, the scalawag is the salt of the earth-- tech support with tits.  The list of things you'd have to do (most of them sexual) to insure against losing your man to one is so long and so debauched you might as well quit your job, light a St. Valentine candle and pray day and night that your man goes blind.