Do you believe there's such a thing as a soulmate?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Romantic Comedies Have Failed You for the Last Time (Hopefully)

Only in rom-coms do two completely incompatible people with warring personalities end up kissing atop an American landmark only a tourist would notice.

Only in rom-coms can a woman leave the man she’s supposed to marry at the altar and run away with the uncouth, rugged upstart to live happily ever after.

Only in rom-coms does the best friend become the best life-partner after years of platonic obscurity.

Only in rom-coms… shit, you get the idea. Take out the comedy and you’ve got something like a TV soap opera, a fantasy realm where people who’ve just had tropical monkey sex lie on top of each other covered by hot-ass sheets that are mysteriously dry. You watch these silly stories as entertainment for one reason: they don’t happen in real life. So why do you persist on patterning your life after Sex and the City or Love Happens?

First off, the people in romance novels, TV shows, and movies are always beautiful. (Not to say that you aren’t beautiful but… well, maybe you’re not.) And they're never too busy for romance! Despite being a swashbuckling pirate on the run, a hard-charging defense attorney, or an overworked customer service rep, they seem to have shitloads of time for adventures in love and sex. And there’s always some grand overture in the third act where the one who screwed up, usually the guy, rides a horse through New York traffic or uncovers the magic spell or interrupts the wedding or runs through a crowded airport to stop her from getting on that plane (to hell with homeland security!).

What they never show is what happens after the credits roll. And that’s what your life is-- what happens after you stop watching chick flicks and go about the business of being a chick… in the real world. So if you can't separate men from movie myths, turn off the damn TV!

Hitting the gym will get you much farther, I promise.

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