A Portrait of the Asshole as a Young Man 3

A portrait... in boxer briefs... with the camera in the pic (corny!)

I love to work out.  For me the gym is a temple, a place where I go to tune out the rest of the world while I throw up weights for an hour or so (and watch SportsCenter).

I know a lot of dudes go to the gym to hit on women, but not me.  I'm not saying I don't look.  There's nothing like a round bubble butt climbing up the StairMaster to help you push through those last two reps; however, the gym's not a place where I like to fish for trout.

I've been asked by women in the gym why I work out so hard and the answer's simple: I want to look good naked.  Imagine how much harder it would be to accomplish that if I had to worry about entering the gym and being confronted by someone I'd put the screws to and then never called again.

I will admit, though, that the gym is one of the few places where a woman can convince me to try something new.  It was a woman who got me on the elliptical machine and I have to say I'm grateful.  It's easier on my knees and good for loosening up stiffness in my back and hamstrings on days when I do squats and deadlifts.  It was also a woman who turned me on to yoga which has helped with my breathing while lifting and kept me from tightening up after workouts (I purposely try not to walk like Debo from Friday)-- again, grateful.

I only have two beefs with women in the gym:

1) It's not a fashion show.  I'm not saying you have to dress like the bag lady but keep in mind that the gym is where you go to get grimy with it .  Trying to be too cute and pretty-- why do you have perfume on?-- not only makes you seem fake but attracts greasy meatheads who still rock Zubaz pants.

2) Do work out.  This is another reason why I leave women in the gym alone-- they need to be focused too.  Whether you want a body that's petite, muscled (Angela Bassett), or tight and toned for your size, you need to take advantage of everything such facilities have to offer: cardio machines, yoga and spin classes, and the free weights.

[Postscript: I hear a lot of women say they avoid free weights because they fear looking like the She-Hulk.  Chill out.  Men get big and hard fast (no giggling!) because we have an abundance of testosterone, the hormone you need to get that way.  You women have it as well... but in such small amounts that it's neglible.  So stop with the excuses and pick up a goddamn weight!]